Spittin' on Death

Dead. A common word with a very final meaning. While I do believe in the afterlife, it is still an end to this world. The only world that we consciously know. In my job I am faced with death more often than most. Be it an expected death, a sudden and tragic catastrophe, a reckless decision, an accident with no rhyme or reason, or the sudden failure of your heart or lungs; I have seen it all. Death generally invokes only negative feelings. Sadness, despair, hurt, pain, depression... at least to the general public. But not always in my world.


Being in the medical field, death is almost routine. Death happens and there are many times that no matter how hard you try, or no matter what you do, death is still imminent. It sucks. And while it is sad and tragic, we (particularly EMS personnel) can not dwell on it. This does not make us cold, uncaring, or lack compassion. It just is what it is. If we took everything we see on a daily basis to heart, you would never have paramedics on the street for very long. There would be a mental facility that contains drooling, babbling, helmet wearing ex medics.


If I could have a dollar for every time someone has said, "I don't know how you do what you do", I definitely not be sitting here typing this. I would be laying out on a beach with the wind blowing my hair, the warm sun on my skin, tasting the salt in the air, sipping a cold drink with a little umbrella stuck in the..... oh, sorry, tangent. Anyway, whenever someone says that to me I always reply with the same answer. "Well to be honest you have to be a little bit crazy to do this job. But some people are made for it, and most are not". I usually get a chuckle out of that from my patient and then I continue asking intimate questions about their bodily functions. 


Most people do not think of their own mortality. Especially when you are young because you don't think it will happen to you, or that you have plenty of time left. But guess what? It will and you may not. I was suppose to learn that lesson several years ago. But guess what? I didn't. Denial denial denial.


My son was born in the Spring of 2007. While I was on FMLA from work, I decided it would be a great time to get caught up on all my routine doctor visits that I had been putting off. Mainly the dermatologist. I had never been to one before because I never had the need for one. But there was this freckle on my leg that I finally had to admit to myself, was a little too dark. Like black. It was only the size of a pencil tip, if that. How long had it been black? Years. At least two to three years that I count back to. So I go to the dermatologist, they remove the freckle, and a suspicious looking mole on my back. I go home and don't think anything of it.


I guess a week or so later I get a voicemail that says they have the results of my biopsy and to give them a call back to discuss my results. At this point I'm at home alone with a screaming three week old demon baby that had undiagnosed silent reflux. Needless to say, I didn't call them back. I figured they would just mail me the results. I honestly wasn't very worried about it. A week or so later I get a letter in the mail from them and I assumed it was my results. It got tossed in the pile of mail on the counter for several days. When I did finally open it, it was not my results quite like I expected. Instead it said I needed to call their office immediately in reference to my results. F***. Nothing like the feeling of dread when making that phone call.


As I am sure you have already guessed by now, those results were not peachy keen. The suspicious mole on my back was fine. The black little freckle, not so much. The "freckle" was called melanoma in situ. Which basically means the stage before it's technically called melanoma and also means that it has not penetrated past the skin. It does mean however that several days later a chunk of meat will be taken out of your leg and require a plastic surgeon to stitch it back together leaving an ugly little scar. 


I'm a paramedic. I don't know all the different types of cancers and their stages or what their survival rates are. I knew melanoma was a skin cancer and that was it. I wasn't too concerned about it... until I Googled it. Not only is it a skin cancer, but it is the most aggressive form of skin cancer. And not only is it the worse kind of skin cancer, but it is the one that can spread rapidly and the more it spreads, the less likely you are to survive the next five years. Comforting isn't it? Imagine reading that while holding your three week old baby boy in your arms.


After the removal of the chunk of meat from my leg, the margins were clean, technical term for they got it all, and life went on as normal. Minus I was to stay out of the sun, wear sunscreen whenever I am outdoors, and follow up with my dermatologist every six months. Sounds simple enough, right? Not. I was 28 and a beach bum. However, for the first two years I was fairly compliant. The first summer I did not go to the beach, or a pool, or hang about in the sun. But that was because I had a newborn at home who was about as predictable as the stock market. The next summer I attempted the beach and the pool... but I had a toddler who was off like a horse in the Kentucy Derby anytime you set him down. So for another summer I stayed out of the sun, mostly. 


As they say, old habits die hard. Now my son is a beach bum as much as I am and we spend a lot of time outside in the sun. Plus, I became pasty white in those summers out of the sun. Let's be honest, tan fat looks better than pale pasty white fat. This past summer I was at the beach a lot with friends and my son. And I actually did wear sunscreen...SPF 4. Heh. In the back of my head there was the voice tsk tsk-ing at me. I knew I shouldn't be laying outside in the sun for hours. I knew I shouldn't be getting a nice golden deep tan. I knew I was playing Russian Roulette. Did it stop me? Nope.


A couple months ago I noticed a freckle on my leg right above my ugly little scar. And I honestly can't tell you if its been there my whole life or not. But the fact that I've actually noticed it leads to believe that it it's either 1) darker or 2) bigger. I'm thinking both. Any normal person would of course make an appointment with their dermatologist to get it checked out and get it cut off if you need be. But nuh uh. Not this girl. Why? Denial denial denial.


I will eventually make an appointment with the dermatologist of course. Hopefully one day soon I will learn that I can't just ignore my problems and hope they will go away. But for now, I guess I'm just spittin' on death.  

This Mom is a Cupcake Ninja!

I am a Cupcake Ninja! Well, that's the name of my imaginary bakery at least. The imaginary bakery I will never own because cupcakes truly are just a hobby, not a passion. Although I do seem to have a passion for eating them.... However, to make these ridiculously easy Halloween cupcakes, you don't need mad baking skills or an insane amount of time. I volunteered to make cupcakes for my son's fall festival and I wanted to make some fun and unique cupcakes but I did not want to spend a lot of time and effort because after all, these are preschoolers wer're talking about. They wouldn't appreciate my infamous Pink Champagne, Red Velvet, or Key Lime Pie cupcakes. So I spent some time on Google and looked at hundreds of pictures of cupcakes. I picked out these four designs because they seemed to have the best results with the least effort. And because these are kids pallets we are talking about, these are all done with box cake and canned forsting. Call me lazy, I don't care. But after seeing these cupcakes my four year old said I was "the bestest cupcake making mom ever"! None of theses cupcakes are my original idea. Just my interpretation and copy of ones I have seen. So keep on reading if you want to be that mom (or dad) that all the other mom's are jealous of because your cupcakes are so much better!

Worms in Dirt Cupcake

What you need:

• Box of chocolate cake/Devils's Food Cake mix and ingredients listed on the box
• Cupcake liners (dark color works best)
• Chocolate frosting
• Chocolate cookies or graham crackers
• Gummy worms

Bake boxed chocolate cake or Devils's Food cake as cupcakes as directed on the box. (Or of course you can make your own homemade recipe.)

While the cupcakes are baking (or you can do it in advance), you need to make "dirt". To make the dirt, you will need to crush up some sort of chocolate cookie. Most people crush up Oreo's, however I would have been forced to eat the cream out of the middle of each cookie so I used Nabisco's Chocolate Wafers. I was initially going to use chocolate graham crackers but the store I was in didn't have any. Place the crushed up cookies in a bowl.

Once the cupcakes have cooled, use an angled spatula to spread your choice of chocolate frosting over the top and exposed sides of the cupcake. I would suggest not using a "whipped" kind of frosting because it could lose its shape for the next step. (I learned this lesson on the Pumpkin cupcake). I also say an angled spatula because they are by far the easiest thing to use to frost a cupcake. If you don't have one, go buy one. 

I would suggest putting the dirt on each cupcake as soon as you frost it in order for the dirt to stick better. Place your cupcake lightly on its side in the bowl and roll it in the dirt. Make sure to shake the bowl some if you can see the bottom of the bowl through the cookie crumbles. Then lightly roll the top all around in the dirt. There may be places that the dirt didn't stick, so just sprinkle some over the bare spots and lightly pat it down. If your cupcake starts to lose its shape from the rolling, you can easily just pat it back into the desired shape.

Finally, you can use whatever kind of worm like candy you want. I chose the sour gummy worms because of their bright color. You can arrange them whatever way you would like, however I chose to stick them down in the cupcake for transportation purposes so the worms would not be falling off while driving down the road. I used the end of a ball point pen (not the tip!) to poke short holes into the cupcake and the worms fit perfectly into the hole.

Spider Cupcake

What you need:

• Box of chocolate cake/Devils Food Cake mix and ingredients listed on the box
• Cupcake liners (dark color looks best)
• Chocolate frosting
• Large container of chocolate sprinkles. (I think black sanding sugar would look good too!)
• Black licorice rope
• Cinnamon Imperial Candies

Bake boxed chocolate cake or Devils's Food cake as cupcakes as directed on the box. (Or of course you can make your own homemade recipe.)

Once the cupcakes have cooled, use an angled spatula to spread your choice of chocolate frosting over the top and exposed sides of the cupcake. I would suggest not using a "whipped" kind of frosting because it could lose its shape for the next step.  

Pour the chocolate sprinkles in a bowl. Place your cupcake lightly on its side in the bowl and roll it in the sprinkles. Make sure to shake the bowl some if you can see the bottom of the bowl through the sprinkles. Then lightly roll the top all around in the sprinkles. There may be places that the sprinkles didn't stick, so just drop some over the bare spots and lightly pat it down. If your cupcake starts to lose its shape from the rolling, you can easily just pat it back into the desired shape.

Place two cinnamon imperials in the place of eyes.

Cut the licorice rope into whatever length you want and stick them into the cupcake. To get the spider leg look, I suggest sticking the licorice just above the cupcake liner/bottom of the muffin top. If you are using a regular cupcake carrier, you may have to place the legs when you get to your destination. Unless your spider has short stubby legs, they won't all fit in the carrier. Also, don't forget a spider has 8 legs!!! I saw a lot of spider cupcakes online that did not have the correct number of legs. 

Pumpkin Cupcakes

What you need:

• Any flavor of boxed cake mix. (I used yellow cake)
• Any white/light color of canned frosting or orange frosting if you can find it. (I used cream cheese)
• Orange frosting paste or orange food coloring (I prefer and recommend the paste when coloring icing and you can find it in any craft store such as AC Moore/Michael's.)
• Orange sanding sugar or sprinkles
• Tube of green icing with a leaf tip (optional)
• Twisted stick pretzels (I used Snyders Honey Wheat Sticks)
• Cupcake liners
• Tooth pick or skewer
• Piping bag with a small round tip, or a plastic quart size bag.

Bake boxed cake mix as cupcakes as directed on the box. Of course you can make your own homemade recipe. I think a pumpkin spice cake would be perfect for these cupcakes! Of course my kid won't touch pumpkin anything. Little does he know what's missing!

While the cupcakes are cooling, mix the orange coloring paste and frosting together. You do not need a lot of the paste to get a vibrant color. Add a small amount at a time until you get the desired color.

Once the cupcakes have cooled, use an angled spatula to spread the frosting on the top and exposed sides of the cupcake. When you start to frost, make sure you use a large dollop on top to give it the rounded shape of a pumpkin. I would suggest not using a "whipped" kind of frosting because it will lose its shape when doing the next step.

Pour the orange sanding sugar into a bowl. Place your cupcake lightly on its side in the bowl and roll it in the sprinkles. Make sure to shake the bowl some if you can see the bottom of the bowl through the sprinkles. Then lightly roll the top all around in the sprinkles. You need to try and roll the cupcake as lightly as you can in order to keep the shape. There may be places that the sprinkles didn't stick, so just sprinkle some over the bare spots it and very lightly pat it down. If your cupcake starts to lose its shape from the rolling, use the spatula to lightly pat it back into shape.

Using a tooth pick or wooden skewer, starting from the top, roll the tooth pick/skewer down to make indentions in the frosting like those on a pumpkin.

On this next step I used the little tube of orange colored gel found on the baking isle. I suggest not doing this because it looks kind of weird. Instead, place some of the orange frosting either in a piping bag or a plastic quart sized bag with the tip cut off one of the corners. Pipe thin lines of icing down each of the indentation on the cupcake.

Cut or break the pretzels into bite size pieces and push down into the top to make the pumpkins stem.

I decided the cupcake needed something extra, so using the premade tube of green frosting, I added leaves using the leaf tip. (Can be inexpensively bought at any grocery store in the baking isle.)

Monster Face Cupcakes

What you will need:

• Any flavor of boxed cake mix. (I used yellow cake)
• Any white/light color of canned frosting. You will probably need two if you're making a more than a dozen. (I used vanilla)
• Any color of food coloring/coloring paste
• Different candy, icing, gels, etc for decorating.
• Cupcake liners
• Piping bag with a grass tip (#233)

Bake boxed cake mix as cupcakes as directed on the box.

While the cupcakes are cooling, mix whatever colors you decide to do with the frosting. You do not need a lot of the paste to get a vibrant color. Add a small amount at a time until you get the desired color.

Once the cupcakes are cool, frost the cupcakes using the grass tip (#233). If you've never used a grass tip, it is ridiculously easy. These cupcakes were the first time I've ever used one! (So ignore the monster in the back right corner, he got dropped.) 

Here is how to use the grass tip (from the Wilton website):

• Fit the piping bag with grass tip # 233 and fill 1/2 full with medium consistency icing. Hold the decorating bag 90° straight up; the tip should be 1/8 in. above surface. 

• Squeeze bag to form grass. Pull up and away when icing strand is long enough (about 1/2 inch) stop pressure and pull tip away. Grass will be neatly formed only if you stop squeezing before you pull tip away.

• For a more natural look sometimes pull tip slightly to the right or left, in stead of straight up. Remember to keep clusters close together so cake does not show through.

Once you have the cupcakes frosted, make whatever kind of faces you want with whatever kind of decorating elements you have on hand. Have fun with it and let your kids help!

My Top 10 Reasons Why Being a Boy's Mom Rocks.

My Top 10 Reasons Why Being a "Boy's Mom" Rocks!

10. Boy parts.

Yep, I said it. The penis. Thanks to it I can dodge a stream of pee like a ninja. All babies have those horrible blow outs. You know, where poop is everywhere from the shoulder blades around to their belly button, sometimes higher. With boys, clean up is so much easier. No folds or extra holes for that poop to hide. And we can't forget potty training. Boys can pee anywhere!

9. Clothes

It is a fact. There are 10 times the availability of girls clothes than boys clothes. But after the first year, its ok! All you need are jeans a t-shirt! You hand a boy an outfit, he puts it on. Done. No multiple outfit changes. No tantrums over what they think matches. And most importantly, no pink, no hair bows, no tutus, and no accessories.

8. Whining/Drama

There is nothing that irritates me more than that high pitched nasal whiny voice that a lot of girls have! Argh! I'd rather scrape my finger nails down a chalkboard. Boys do whine, however it is not very often, short lived, and much more manageable. When a group of girls get together, drama. When boys get together, NO drama! Boys run from drama. Teenage years will be tremendously easier on me than my "girl mom" counterparts.

7. Potty humor

Little boys find anything related to their butt, penis, poop, pee pee, smells, sounds, actions, etc to be extremely hilarious. Have you ever been around a little boy who farts, starts laughing, and is then laughing and farting at the same time? They won't stop laughing until the run out of gas, literally. And oh how proud they are when the get a loud burp out! We all know they never grow out of it, so you might as well laugh right along with them. Consider it disgustingly cute.

6. Forts

Really this needs no explanation! Who doesn't love making and playing in a fort?!

5. Play hard or go home.

I was a tomboy growing up. I did play with dolls, and barbies, but I was also obsessed with my brothers Lego's, Playmobile sets, and race cars. I still get to play dress up because boys like to dress up too. However they wear underwear on their head, ugly masks, super hero costumes, capes, hats, cowboy boots and carry around swords or guns made out of virtually anything. Everything is one big contest. Who can get down the stairs the fastest, who can build the tallest tower of blocks, who has the fastest car, who has the most stars on Angry Birds, etc. And just when you think you have won, he will go and change the rules on you. It's all about trucks, trains, airplanes, and super heros. No squealing at the slimy and grimy. Give them a pile of dirt, a stick, and a backyard and boys are entertained for at least an hour. Boys have a fascination with the world that must be explored. Watching my little boy explore the world inspires me to do the same.

4. Fear not!

Boys are loud, have high-energy, love to wrestle, fight, jump off couches, play super heroes, try dare devil moves, and are very rambunctious. Little boys take a tumble and get right back up. Little dirt, little blood, little problem! Bumps, scrapes, bruises are all in a days work. When they get themselves into a problem, they will adamantly find a way out by themselves. "I got this Mommy."

3. Little boy kind of love

Getting love from my little man is the best feeling in the whole world. Little boys love differently. They give you slobbery kisses and their hugs usually start with a running leap. If you lay on the floor – game on! You will probably get jumped on, tackled and a knee to the face. But its always out of love. One minute you are snuggling on the bed, the next you are wrestling and tickling him to where he laughs so hard he can hardly breathe and then back to snuggling to catch his breath. To your little boy you are the only woman in the world that matters.

2. A boys laugh

Little girls giggle, but little boys laugh! Their laugh starts deep down in their toes and grows in their belly until it bursts out of their mouth, loud and unrestrained. They laugh easily and at the most random things. A little boys laugh is full of genuine joy and always infectious.

1. A little boy is a momma's boy, forever.

I will always have a special place in my little boys heart that no other woman can ever replace. I'm lucky to be in the stage where I am everything to my little boy. So much so that sometimes it can be smothering. But I know in ten years it won't be the same. That little boy won't place 20 kisses all over my face, throw his arms around my neck while watching cartoons, begging me to let him sleep in my bed, slipping his hand in mine as we walk, saying "I love you mommy" many times a day, or tell me I am the bestest mommy ever just for handing him a drink.

A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest.
- Irish proverb

Well I see I wrote an Ambien induced blog a little bit ago. Totally don't remember that one! I do want to get back more into blogging because it is cathartic for me, however I never seem to allow myself the time to just sit down and type. Or when I do think of something creative and witty it is at the most inopportune times! However I do have a funny little story to share.

A few things I learned on my walk this morning:

• It is your own damn fault for whatever happens if your iPod is so loud that you can not hear someone coming up behind. Especially if that someone is a toddler who has some kind of siren sound box on his tricycle.

• Old women still reek of perfume while "exercising"

• If a brand new, obviously uncompleted playground is being built and has yellow caution tape around everything, you probably should not be letting your tiny child be playing on it. Further more, if the yellow caution tape is blocking the multiple ways to climb onto the equipment, you probably shouldn't be undoing it so your child can climb up there.

• If the newly paved walking path is just barely big enough for a vehicle, you stupid young ignorant male county workers should not be driving on it leering at the girls walking/running and therefore causing them to come around the corner in the wooded section of the path and end up face to face with a full size pick up truck coming right at you. Thus causing you to jump off the path into the bushes. How about going and putting that yellow caution tape back up?

• Contrary to popular belief (mainly mine), I do not scream like a bitch and run when I see a snake. Instead I stand completely frozen in terror and watch it until it is completely out of site while at the same time suffering sinus arrest followed by a run of V-Tach. It does however help you to decide to end your walk much quicker and not go the full three miles you intended upon.

Hello bloggity blog. I will began blogging again shortly. I'm going to use my blog as a venting place for me while I try to get myself back to the eating and physical health I was at a year ago. I think I am going to give one of those fad diets a go. But as its already 20 minutes past my bed time and I have to be at work at stupid thirty... I don't have time to read into it, much less blog about it. So stay tuned! Fat girl is making a move towards not being a fat girl!

Wow...

So after two years I've found this long forgotten blog. Now I have to decide, should I keep blogging for the entertainment of my friends... and because I do find it somewhat cathartic.... or just let it go? I'm going to have to sleep on that.

Lack of a blog.. and a Friday meme

I know I need to update my blog.. I WANT to blog!!! But I've sat here for over an hour (while being interrupted many times by my partner and annoying fire guys, who I love dearly of course (catch the sarcasm?). I just can't do it! What the hell is wrong with me? I started to blog about judging others but saw that it was quickly becoming hypocritical. Then I was going to blog about turning the big 3-0.. but my creative mind failed me again, not a whole lot to talk about there.

Although I did have a first time experience the night of my birthday bash. One of my good friends Lisa, who I won't lie wasn't exactly sober, got the bright idea to go to a strip club..titty bar.. whatever you want to call it. And I confess, I have never been to one. I've never had the urge to go to one. Nothing about one appeals to me. But after several begging and pleading drunken dances by Lisa, I agreed to go. A group of 10 us rolled up in there and got seated in the VIP section! (Its all about who you know!) Did I like it? Nope. Did I hate it? Not really, but I will probably never go back to one. However, I DID have a great time watching how much Lisa and Tim loved having other girls boobies in their face! I spent most of the night talking to Warren about the whole logistics of how a strip club operates. How sad is that?! Well at least now I have a reason why I don't care to go back to one!

Soooooo, since I can't find anything worth a damn to blog about, I found a Friday meme to do. Maybe my neurons will start firing, and I can actually produce a blog worth reading again soon!

The Friday meme is called Friday Fill In and is obviously self explanatory. Who didn't like playing Mad Libs growing up? Don't worry, I'm not tagging anyone! This is where the meme came from: http://fridayfillins.blogspot.com/








And...here we go!

1. Angel or not, I will always love my baby boy.

2. Take me any way you want me.

3. As my mother used to say, you're full of crap.

4. I'm always thirsty after I'm done working out or doing something strenuous.

5. Even in the most crowded of rooms my heart can always find you.

6. Friday the 13th is a day fraught with peril.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to the great weather, tomorrow my plans include working and Sunday, I want to enjoy my time with Alex at the circus!

Low Bullshit Tolerance

I'm not a bitch, I just have a low bullshit tolerance. That's my new mantra. It's true though, I don't like being handed a pile of bullshit. I can see through bullshit like a brand new pane of glass. In the same hand, I can usually bust up any lie. My mom says I'm manipulative and I have been since day one. Sure, that can be a bad thing. But not always. It helps me at work by enhancing by critical thinking skills. I'm quick on my feet in almost any situation. It keeps my over analyzing everything, which can be annoying.. but I figure things out fairly quickly. Like when you're bullshitting me, or lying to me. I think it's funny when people say, I have no reason to lie to you. Because most of the time, it means: I have about 100 reasons to lie to you but I don't want you to suspect me of being anything but truthful. My trust is not given easily, freely, or naively. You have to earn it. And it takes a while.. especially if you tell me you have no reason to lie to me!

People who don't know me very well, or have only met me a few times may think I'm quiet and reserved. A lot think I'm a bitch. Apparently when I'm not smiling I look like a total bitch. Although the ones who really know me, know I'm far from that! They know that I have a tough outer shell and that I'm a big softy on the inside. I hate that character flaw about me. If you hurt my feelings, you won't know about it.. because I'll cry about it in private, then put on my brave face and act like everything is okay. Now if you piss me, you'll know! Quickly. Someone recently called me a firecracker. Am I really? I guess I do have a temper, especially where work bullshit is concerned. I'm not sure if being a firecracker is a good thing or not. *shrugs* People also say that I have an attitude. No, I AM an attitude. I am one big walking attitude. That is what makes me ME.

Another character flaw that you wouldn't think would be a bad thing, is that I will bend over backwards for any one of my friends. Especially someone that I care about. Almost always it's at the expense of my own happiness, or my own needs, or even my own wants. And lately that seems to be biting me in the ass. I get so exhausted from giving and giving and getting very little in return. I'm tired of being disappointed. Disappointment hurts. It's one of those things that makes me cry in private, then look at you in the eyes and smile and say every things okay. Eventually it may build up, and I have one of my bipolar days, where I'm quiet and thoughful.. or fuming on the inside, or I may just turn into a total bitch and bite your head off. You'll know you angered me... but you'll never know you hurt me.

Sometimes I want to just walk away from situations like those. The ones where I let people hurt me but then say it's ok, I understand. Or I'll get over it. But then something pulls me back in. Oh, yeah,it's my heart. Because I fucking care too damn much. One of my downfalls I suppose... my heart can be my best and worst trait. I lead with my heart more than my head.. hence my problems. My eyes really are windows to my soul... if you think you really know me, then you should know that already. You know how I truly feel by just looking in me eyes. (Right Sara?) That's the one thing I have never been able to master hiding from others. Damnitt.

I love it when I hear people call me a bitch. Who say I'm cold, abrasive,unapproachable... I just laugh because it's someone who hasn't taken the time to know me. Or has made assumptions about me. You know what happens when you assume... no no, you don't make an ass our of u and me, you just don't ever become my friend. Bitches.

Is there a point to this blog? Nope. I just have a bunch of crap on my mind and Jenn wanted me to update my blog... so there you go. Updated just for you Jenn!

Buzzed and blogging...

Earlier this afternoon I felt the urge to need some mommy juice..aka alcohol. I managed to wait till after dinner to down a few. No I'm not a damn alcoholic. Ever since becoming a mom, I rarely ever get the chance to just relax, have a drink, and be me. So it didn't take many bitch beers tonight to get me buzzing! Ahhhh to be back at ECU...*sigh*... With my wifely duties done, and my husband snoring contently in the other room, I'm finally free to sit here buzzing and be ME!


I've had a lot of things on my mind lately and apparently alcohol makes those thoughts whirl through my head like a tornado! Isn't it funny how things can change so quickly? I'm not talking about tragedies that happen in a blink of an eye, or natural disasters. I'm just talking about every day life. How things that once seemed so important are no longer that important. Or how you felt about something or someone has completely changed. It happens gradually but then WHAM it's right there in your face and you are left wondering, when did that happed? Is the grass really greener on the other side? Or does it just look really green, but as soon as you step on it, it turns to shit? Am I happy or am I just content?

Don't worry, I'm not depressed, or throwing a pity party.. that's not me at all!! I'm just sitting here wondering out loud...or wondering on the keyboard.. or whatever. Blogging....pfft...why the hell do I blog? Oh yah, because it's suppose to be therapeutic. But so are bitch beers!

I'm lucky that I have a best friend that I've known since I was 12. She knows me, really knows me. I love that I can tell her what's in my head..what I'm thinking, decisions I make, feelings I have.. and she doesn't judge me. I know she will be there for me no matter what stupid decisions I may make. She's the one who knows when I'm really angry, even when I smile and swear that I'm not. She's the one who knows my moods and handles them like a pro. She's the one who gets my sense of humor and laughs at my hyper antics. I'm lucky and I know it.

I trust her 100%. But I have other friends that I want to trust like that. I want to believe that they have good intentions. I want to believe that they're not after certain things. I've been burned before for being too trusting. But I want to be happy. And if trusting this person makes me happy, then shouldn't I?

I learned recently from another friend that personal happiness needs to come first. He made a life altering decision in order to gain true happiness. He doesn't like what happened, or how it happened, or who it hurt. But he's finally truely happy. I understand what he did and why he did it. I just can't seem to do it for myself. On some levels, I feel like putting my happiness in front of others is selfish and irresponsible. But I want to be happy.

I'm turning 30 in about six months and I'm not upset, or bummed about it. I'm ready to see what my 30's hold in store for me and I'm ready to leave the 20's behind! I'm happy with the person I have become. Sure, there are some things that still need work, like my fat ass! But for the most part I'm content. I speak my mind and I don't take shit from anyone. I'm a smart ass and know I can come off as the ultimate bitch. Sometimes I come off as a hard ass, but really I just have a tough shell and am a big softy on the inside. I love to have fun, and enjoy life. I love to smile. I'm giving and I'm compassionate. My true friends know that I will bend over backwards to do anything for them. But what I don't know is, am I happy? Am I truely happy?

Dreams that make you go hmmmmm....

Do you ever wake up in the morning and the first thing you think is "What the...?" Dreams are crazy! They're scary, weird, pleasant, entertaining, and above all, thought provoking! Dreams represent a world of imagery in which our darkest fears, deepest secrets, and most passionate fantasies break out from the unconscious mind. When I wake up, sometimes I remember the dream(s) in vivid detail, and sometimes they are just faint memories. Of course some mornings I wake up and don't remember dreaming at all. It's the dreams that leave me with a lingering feeling that stay with me.

It's the dreams where I can remember certain people, certain situations, and certain feelings that stick with me throughout the day, and sometimes for weeks. Why did I dream about that person? And why was I doing that with that person? Why did I wake up scared of something? What does that have to do with me and my life? Is it because whatever feelings that were evoked, are missing from my life? Is it a secret desire that I really have and won't admit to myself? Or is it some random entertaining story that my mind made up with bits and pieces of my memory and used me as the star actress? The rules of reality just simply do not apply to dreams. The other night I dreamed about someone and I can't get it or him out of my head. I keep asking myself WHY? Why, did I dream that and why him? But that's just this weeks lingering dream. Who knows what next week will bring.

I was lucky enough to be roommates with my best friend from high school while I was at college (GO PIRATES!). Even though we were two totally different people, we had a lot of the same interests and passions. Julie was obsessed with dreams. She had a lot of dream interpretation books and we loved to talk about our dreams and try to dissect them and figure out their meaning. Where Julie is now in life, I have no clue. But I sure wish she was still a part of my life so I could call her up and say, "Hey, what the hell did that mean?" Oh yah, and so I could also tell her, "Hey I have an awesome one year old son...." *sigh*

Since my recent dream has been on my mind I decided to find an online "dream dictionary" and I found several that are quite decent! If this is your kind of thing, check them out!

http://www.dreammoods.com/

http://health.discovery.com/centers/sleepdreams/universaldreams/universaldreams.html

http://www.mydreamvisions.com/pages/dream-interpretation-steps.php

I'm back!!!

OMG people! OK! Here is another blog for the love of God! I can't beleive how many of you have been bitching about me not updating my blog. But FINE! Here is another one! No seriously, I blame it on summer, Cape Fear Parents, Circle of Moms, and Toddler Tamers! When I'm not working I'm always doing something, somewhere with Alex and a bunch of kick ass mom's! Anyway... on with my blog. I feel it's time for my Realizations Part Deux.

1. I'm living a double life.
Well, not really. But it sure feels like it. They way my work schedule is, I basically work a full week and then I am off a full week. So one week I am a full time paramedic working 12+ hours a day, dealing with bullshit and non compliant jerks. Now, there are the rare moments where someone dials 911 and asks for an ambulance because they actually need one! Those are the times I love my job and know I belong in the medical field. But then there are the times when people call 911 because their tooth hurts. Because they got in a car accident, have no visible damage to the car, but want to go to the hospital by ambulance in hopes of getting money from the other person's insurance. Or they call because, "they will get seen quicker if they go by ambulance". Hey guess what? You tell me that and your ass is going to the waiting room! If you are NOT having a medical emergency, guess where you're going anyway? That's right, the waiting room. And now you're going to get a $500+ taxi cab bill. Dumbass. Ack, I went off on a tangent... So anyway, the next week I am a full time stay at home mom! And I LOVE every single minute of it. Not only am I back in a "mommie's" group, but I am in three. Yep, three. On those weeks that I'm a SAHM, my days are filled with love, laughter, and friendship! There's is never a dull moment. My days are relatively stress free... minus Alex's new and developing tantrums....eh. So I live a double life. I like my life as a full time stay at home mom the best. If I could I would quit my job and leave the medical field for a few years to raise Alex and start on baby #2. BUT there are bills to pay, and life styles to maintain. I chose to live this way so I'm not bitching. I'm just sayin'.. I live a double life.

2. I can't blog without going off on tangents! I just had to say that. As I saw my first realization was a rambling mess. Oh well.

3. A mother's love is the best feeling in the whole world. Every day I get to watch Alex experience the world. There is nothing better. Just this last week I watched Alex and his best friend, Mary Ruth, walk around a kids play group holding hands! Ok, so Mary Ruth was really pulling Alex along, but like the gentleman that he is, he just contently followed. How freakin' cute it that? I fell in love with him all over again. I have been amazed watching their friendship grow from two babies that just wallowed on the floor completely unaware of each other, to two friends who lay on one another while watching TV. Or get huge grins on their faces when they see one another and do little happy dances when they walk in the front door. Or swap paci's and sippy cups like it's normal. The other day Alex and Mary Ruth were side by side in the shopping cart at Costco and a passerby exlaimed, "Oh what adorable babies! Are they twins?" I just giggled and said no. (Although the deep down smart ass in me wanted to say, "YES! They're identical twins as a matter of fact, dumbass!" Now don't you think they look just like twins:


I melt when I see Alex smile. I don't know how I'm going discipline him when he looks at me with those chocolate puppy dog eyes and his deep dimpled grin. His laugh is intoxicating. That is not mother's bias. You can ask anyone who has heard his deep belly laugh! Just sitting here thinking about him, and writing about him, makes me sad and depressed because he is not within arms reach. Instead I'm sitting here at work getting paid to blog. Ahhhh, a slow day at work! I understand there are those women who have no desire to be a mother, or feel that they don't have maternal instinct. But damn are they missing the best feeling in the world.

4. I hate double dippers. Have you ever been to a fondue restaraunt? If not, then you seriously need to go. Just don't get stuck beside a double dipper. You know, the ones who use their prongs to put their food in the melted cheese, chocolate, meat broth, etc. and then eat off that same prong and then dip again with another piece of food! They may claim that they're not double dipping because they're mouth isn't touching the prong...but come on. It's double dipping. You know who you are. You know I'm talking about you. And you also know I told I was going to blog about it so the whole world can know you're a double dipper! AND you know I'm blowing smoke up your ass because I can. So to you Jen, here is my shout out! Did it meet your expectations? Love you! Alas, that is actually not the kind of double dipping I am talking about. Because in all fairness I have double dipped in a fondue pot myself. You just can't help it when the peanut butter milk chocolate is dissapearing faster than ice on a summer's day black top!(Ahem, preggo Megan!!) I'm talking about the double dippers of life, which thankfully Jen is NOT one!. Every circle of friends have one, or two, or many. They are the ones who can't decide who they really are. Maybe they don't like themselves. Or maybe they think they are by far the most awesome person in the world. But they just can't seem to stay in one pot, or use one prong appropriatetly. They jump from group to group, or more appropriately, clique to clique, and are seemingly best buddies with everyone. Where in truth they are actually just stirring the pot and causing trouble for their own enjoyment. Yes there are people that are truely friends with all sorts. But I'm talking about the ones who are as fake as silicone. They are nosy and curious and evil. It's like they have jellyfish tenticles that reach out and snag every friend they can just so they can feel loved and important. They may seem like the sweetest most innocent individual. Until you hear the whisperings that take place behind your back. The conversations that get twisted and turned to where it's really not something that was said at all or the intentions were completely misplaced. These double dippers know they are doing it, yet when they are unveiled they then try to become the victim. It amuses them, and it must give them some sort of feeling of fullfillment. To each their own I suppose. Just don't expect me to trust you within an inch of my life if I found out that you are a double dipper.

5.Mama Drama is everywhere and in every group. Period. You would think I would learn from past experiences and just stay away from mommy groups all together. But that is not so. Maybe I'm a glutten for punishment. I joined Circle of Mom's back in February and WOW! What an awesome group of women! AND they best part is they are totally focused on the kids and play dates and just having fun. I love them! A smaller group branched off of Circle of Moms called Toddler Tamers. It is the same concept, just a smaller, more intimate group of moms! And last but not least my friends and I launched our own group, Cape Fear Parents. A total success on our part, thank you, thank you! If you're reading this (and I actually like you), then why the hell aren't you on our site?! www.capefearparents.com Go, register! We're not just mom's either! Mom and Dad's are welcomed with open arms! But in every one of these groups there have been drama. Circle of Mom's has it's own little dramas popping up here and there, though rare. Thankfully I was not involved in any of it and for the most part they seem to have resolved without imploding the whole grouop. We've had some slight drama on Cape Fear Parents, but it remained within the admin group and our members were none the wiser! I'd like to call that growing pains. And then there was some recent drama on Toddler Tamers. Actually I won't call it drama. Because the whole group got a big laugh out of one person's ridiculous statments and sent off with a good riddance! As I mentioned earlier, Toddler Tamers (TT) is a smaller mom's group, currently with 20 members. Last week or two, a new member registered, browsed the gruop and then sent an email to Beth, admin of TT. We'll call this member S. S said she was once in another mom's group in which one of the current members on TT (ME, or Kristie!) was also in with some friends. S said this person (ME, or Kristie!) caused a bunch of trouble along with "her friends" and was subsequently kicked out of the group with her friends. S did not want to be associated with us or the group because we were in it. The member S, who is now not a member S, never named names but made it glaringly obvious who she was talking about. That's right, the original Mama Drama is fucking following me. *sigh* But as the way life is, the girls of TT are my friends and love me and the other friends, aka banned mommies, for who we are. So they did the one finger wave and said sayonara! The irritating and amusing part is this individual, yes I know who you are, was not even involved in the Mama Drama and has never even met us in person. So take your so called high morals stay on WM. Oh and say buh bye to Cape Fear Parents too. Dumbass. So if you ever think you are going to be part of any group that is largely women, be prepared for drama. No matter how hard you try to avoid it, a woman is a woman. And we are bitches.

McDonald's Corruption at One Year, 2 Weeks, and 2 Days Old!

Today I bought Alex his first Happy Meal from McDonald's. On our way home from Alex's one year well check (yah, great time to do it!) I called my friend Temple who was currently driving half across the state with her daughter Mary Ruth. They just so happened to be stopped at a McDonald's enjoying some lunch! Mary Ruth was munching on her first happy meal and Temple was lamenting about buying her first happy meal! After we hung up and I continued driving home I realized I was hungry. And there was no food at the house. Lo and behold there was a McDonald's on the way home! (Who doesn't have a McDonald's on the way home, really?)

So I ordered Alex his first happy meal. A four piece chicken nugget with apple dippers and an apple juice. I have no clue how much I paid for all of that. Too much I'm sure. Because I think all in all, Alex ate 1 1/2 chicken nuggets and about 3 apple slices. The juice box is still in the fridge. We drink 75% water with our juice around here. I was initially really excited because I thought Alex ate 3 chicken nuggets! But no, he fed some to the dog and when I picked him up from his high chair he was sitting on several pieces that probably made up another half. That again, went to the dog. So I added some Gerber Yogurt Melts (those rock!) and called it a meal. Whatever works.

I don't feel guilty for stopping at McDonald's. His lunch was probably healthier than if he had eaten a Gerber Graduates meal. Have you ever looked at the label on those things? Hello sodium! Plus the anal retentive in me peeled away most of the breading and just gave him the chicken. At least I hope it was chicken. They claim its all white meat. Who's white meat, I'm not sure. As long as its not Michael Jackson's...

I hate being a fat person. I hate that my husband is fat. At least we're not FAT fat. Just overweight fat, but not like holy shit look at them fat! I know I have poor eating habits and that my husbands are even worse. At least I eat vegetables. Stupid man. I'm worried that Alex is going to be overweight. So I scrutinize and over analyze everything I feed him. Trying to make sure he's eating enough veggies, and fruits. But I don't want to deny him anything either, like red meat. I would hurt someone if they took away my steak. Now candy and sugars and such, I have no problem denying him. Like juice. To me that is just wasted calories and so bad for the teeth! I know what my problem is. I need to cook. I need to learn to cook more and like it. *In my whiny voice* But I don't want to! I hate all the prepping, and cooking, and then cleaning, for 20 minutes of eating! Grrrrrr! Any advice in that area would be great.

It's so sad that I was thrilled today at Alex's one year well check that his weight fell into the 75th percentile instead of the 90th percentile, where it's been since he was 2 weeks old. His noggin's still in the 90% though, ha ha! Poor little guy, his height dipped under the 50th percentile. Oh well, he's going to be short like his parents. No shocker there.

Well, my first 30 minutes of my precious nap time were wasted cleaning the gazillion parts of the only sippy cups that Alex adores. Why can't that child learn to tilt a cup UP? He insists on straws. And the straw cups come with parts. I hate parts. Parts I have to wash. And lose. Oh well. So I've heard from a few different Speech Language Pathologists, straws are better in the long run. And the last 45 minutes were devoted to this blog. Now I suppose I should go do some housework. I have laundry to fold, laundry to wash, dishes to put away, strawberries drying in the drain waiting to be sliced, toys to straighten..... yet my big fluffy red couch and the TV looks awful inviting with my entirely too many DVR'd shows to be watched.....

The hell?

Not more than fifteen minutes ago I left the scene of an accident that I was on. (I am currently at work, and yes I rushed back so I could blog about it. What? If I didn't, thanks to the damn Topamax, I would have forgotten!) It was a two car accident with moderate damage, everyone was okay. After colliding, the two cars actually ended up in a parking lot. This parking lot is right next to a NC State Trooper station so there just so happened to be four NC State Troopers on scene, alone with the usual Fire and myself-EMS. (It was in the city limits but city PD was not on scene yet) As my partner was talking to the only patient who was complaining of injuries, and I was chatting with the fire guys-and gal, this black BMW drove amongst the emergency vehicles. The driver talks animatedly with hand gestures and with a distinct attitude to one of the troopers. The trooper naturally responds back with an attitude and a bad ass, arms across the chest, stance. The fire guys-and gal, and I are straining to hear the words being exchanged, but we can only here a few words. I hear from the driver " trying to avoid" and from the trooper "so it's my fault?"

I guess she was somehow involved in this wreck even though there is not a scratch on her shiny black high dollar BMW with Maryland tags. I glance at the driver. She's apparently okay because she's still flapping her arms and her lips at the state trooper who is clearly irritated. The front seat passenger is shaking her head and rolling her eyes. At everyone. (I wanted to go shake the piss out of her and I didn't even I have a reason). And the three in the back seat were licking their fingers as they were polishing off some chicken bones glistening with grease. I kid you not.

I turned my attention back to Bridgette (the fire gal) and we chatted about how the day was going and other random small talk. The other fire guys joined us after they finished cleaning the fluid spills. We started trying to figure out just what the hell the BMW had to do with the wreck. We speculated all kinds of stuff based on the damage, the skid marks, the fluid trails...couldn't figure it out. Finally City PD showed up and we watched the troopers talk to him for a minutes. Then he approached the BMW and talked to the driver. The City PD guy left her, shaking his head and half laughing/half grunting, and went to talk to the two actually involved in the accident.

After the City officer walked away the driver of the BMW got out of her car and approached the same trooper she was talking to earlier. She was carrying a little notepad and she was angry. Again we couldn't hear her but she obviously asked for his name because the trooper stuck out his chest where his name plate was and she wrote it down and stormed back to her car

I just couldn't stand it anymore. I had to know. What the hell was with the BMW and this wreck. So I walked over to the gaggle of troopers and to the one who appeared to be the head hauncho. And told him, "Ok. You have Fire and EMS confused. We've been trying to figure it out and we can't. What the hell does that BMW have to do with the wreck?" He chuckled, and said "Let me tell you what the hell that BMW has to do with the wreck. That BMW ran over a piece of plastic that came off of one of the vehicles after the collision in the middle of the road and she is claiming that it damaged her vehicle. She wants both of their insurance information so she can file claims against them."

THE HELL? Short for WHAT THE HELL? My friend Maria says that and now she has me saying it. Thanks M. But that is what literally came screeching out of my mouth. All of the troopers started laughing and then one told me jokingly that I should probably go check the driver out to see if she's injured too. Again, "the hell" came flying out of my mouth. Followed by, "the fuck ever".

After she got back in her vehicle, she wrote a few more things down in her little notebook and finally decided to leave. Not before nearly missing an unmarked trooper vehicle, the firetruck, and the rear end of my ambulance as she haphazardly navigated her way out of the cluster of emergency vehicles she drove right into the middle of in the first place.

*sigh* And this is why I HATE STUPID PEOPLE! But it is job security after all!

But here is one interesting little tidbit that occurred to me after the whole little incident that my partner, Larry, brought up as we were on the way to our station. There was some serious time lapse going on from when the actual impact occurred until the BMW arrived on scene. It had to have been at least, and I mean at the very least, 10 minutes since the accident occurred. Enough time had transpired for the incident to occur, 911 one to be called, and for me to drive to the accident scene (which I have documented took 8 minutes). Remember I was already on scene when this dumb ass pulled up! Larry came up with the the brilliant reason why. There's a KFC right down the road. Explains the bone lickin' greasy finger suckers in the back.

Topamaxtration

Do you ever ever just feel the need to blog but don't know what the hell to blog about? I swear at different times of the day something random will pop into my head and I'll think, yah thats what I'll blog about! But then a few hours later, poof! I'll have no friggin idea what the hell it was I was thinking about.

I'm going to blame it on the Topamax. A few weeks ago I was put on Topamax to help with my migraines/headaches. I thought my doctor just wanted to throw a medication at me because she could. I assumed my headaches were because of the tension and muscle tightness in my neck and I just needed a weekly masseuse. What? Doesn't everybody? Well lo and behold, I haven't had one headache since going on Topamax... minus the one day I forgot to take it.


One of the side effects is difficulty with concentration and attention. Seriously. Okay, whammie #1. I'm a blond. Whammie #2, I'm a mommy. Concentration is not exactly my forte. And now I'm going to have even more difficulty? Another side effect is loss of memory! Well there you go! There is my blogging problem! That must be why I have all these awesome blogs written in my head, usually while I'm driving down the road, or tossing and turning while trying to fall asleep, or taking a shower.... and don't have jack when I sit down in front of the computer!

Why can't I have one of the other listed side effects, ANOREXIA! Hell yah! There is one that I could use! Can the fat girl have a side effect that she can actual have a use for please!?! What the hell?

*sigh* Well at least I don't have headaches anymore.

Has anyone seen my brain?

Has anyone seen my brain lately? Seriously? As you can obviously see I haven't been blogging. 1)I couldn't really think of anything to blog about, random or not. And 2)I was busy with my sons first birthday party! That was this past Sunday which is why I didn't do my weekly Sunday Situation, which I still might do, maybe tomorrow. Or maybe not.

I love planning and throwing big events. Every year I throw a big Christmas party at our house for all of our closest friends. Each year its gets bigger and more entailed. But I HATE hostessing! Same goes for the big birthday party this past weekend!

For Alex's birthday we had a backyard pig pickin' here at the house. We're southern people! It's what we do. So I invited about 35 people, thinking about half would show up. Um, no almost all of them showed up. Except for Maria.. But she was sick so I'll let her slide. Although she lives in NC, and hates pig. So she probably just stayed home to avoid the pig and so she could lick her new laptop.

My husband turns into this super jack ass when we do big events like these. Never mind the fact that I had been busting my ass for the past three days doing stuff for the party, but apparently he diluted himself into thinking that he had been doing all the work. About and hour and a half before the guests were suppose to arrive I told me husband I was going to jump in the shower. He asked me where I wanted the tables so I pointed in a general direction and said "over there". He started to bitch, moan, and whine, so I turned around and went outside to help him find the exact square inch where to place the tables. While moving the first table we were arguing, about what I really have no clue. But he made the mistake of muttering, "I'm the one who's been doing all the work". What? I'm sorry, WHAT? You didn't clean the house. You didn't do one once of the shopping or planning. Did you decorate the inside and outside of the house? No. Who ordered, decided on, and picked up the cake? Invitations? Presents? Not you. I did all this while chasing after Alex. You're cooking the pig. You had to fetch the pig, get the pig cooker, and put the pig on the grill. Oh and you had to mow the lawn. Yah, wow you've had to do a lot of work. So I drop the table. And I walk inside. He can move the fucking tables himself. I am so livid I can feel my damn body humming. You know the kind of angry I'm talking about where you feel like a live wire? Eventually it passed. He never did apologize. I hate it that we always argue when planning things like this. Never fails.

So the bitches at the party store lied about the balloon weights. I asked them, "Now these weights will keep 5 balloons down on the table in the backyard with some wind? Because my neighborhood is basically treeless." They said, oh yes! They will weigh about 20 balloons down. LIAR! Soon as I set them out on my perfectly done tables, whooooooooooosh, off they flew to the ground. Did I mention I'm somewhat of a perfectionist? I was pissed. Now my perfect tables were not perfect. I even had personally hand made little balloon clips that were keeping the table cloths on the tables in my windy backyard. Ugh. Damn wind. But at least we had sunny 70 degree weather! It was a gorgeous day!

On the day Alex was born, my husband gave me a necklace. It was a silver heart with a diamond butterfly on it. (I have a thing for butterflies) It's one of my favorite things to wear. Usually I put it on myself but I wanted Phillip to put it on me for nostalgia purposes. So I go outside and he's busy chopping up onions. I told him I was going to get him to put my necklace on me, but never mind his hands were nasty. He told me to go get his brother to do it, I said no, not this necklace. Then he said, go get his brother's girlfriend to do it. NO, not this necklace. I started to get a little misty eyed because it was starting to hit me that Alex was now a year old and not my "baby" anymore. So I started to put the necklace on myself and Phillip says, "I didn't think onions made you cry". They don't. Men. He figured it out a minute later.

So remember the whole, anyone seen my brain? Yah, I'm so pissed at myself. I never took a picture of the big birthday cake. The only picture of Alex's birthday cake that he destroyed was right before and while he was destroying it. I was so busy greeting people, talking to people, making sure people had things that I didn't take many pictures. I kept handing my camera off to people. I didn't have time to take any pictures before people got here because I had just gotten Alex and myself dressed right before people showed up. *sigh* I don't have any pictures of Alex with myself or Phillip except when he's eating his cake. I have NO pictures of Alex with any grandparents, family, or other adult friends. I don't have pictures of just people who came to the party. I'm so upset about this. And most people who know me know I'm a photo hog! I'm forever snapping pictures. I don't even remember other people snapping pictures. I know my mom and sister-in-law were taking a few. Oh woe is me. I do however have lots of pictures with Alex and his girlfriend Mary Ruth!! Too cute!!! And I have some great pictures of Alex eating his cake!

So now my baby is a toddler. Although he's been walking for a month now...so he's been "toddling" for a month. Does that mean he's really been a toddler for a month? I'm glad birthday's only come once a year because it was exhausting! I'm still in lazy mode and don't feel like doing jack today. But I guess I should get off my fat ass and go start laundry. At least I don't have to clean the cheerios up off the floor that Alex has been throw over his high chair since I started typing. He thinks it's hilarious that Mia, our yellow lab, is eating them off the floor as he throws them! God bless Mia.

Situation Sunday

Situation Sunday #52
Rules: You have no cell no phone. Visit Helena-Skyblue and leave a link

Situation # 1
Your spouse has been meeting their friends, every other week for a get together. They usually go to this strip club and hang out and have drinks. You have no problem with this until you find out your best friend has been moonlighting there......What do you do?

(This is totally hypothetical because I would not be cool with my husband hanging out at a strip club repeatedly.) Depends. How did I find out my best friend was working there? If my husband told me than I'd ask him if she was any good and exactly how much of her did he see? I'd then tell him he had to find a new place to hang out. If my best friend told me, I'd first say, "****, what the HELL is wrong with you? Why didn't you let me sign up with you? Dumb ass." Then I'd go home to proceed to beat the crap out of my husband.

Situation # 2
You are approached on the street by the local 6 O'clock broad caster. He asks you who do you feel best to win the Presidential Election.....Clinton, Obama or McCain. ( My spelling could be off}....What do you tell them?.......

I start signing random crap in sign language hoping they'll have no idea how to actually do sign language, think I'm deaf, they'll feel embarrassed, and leave me the hell alone. Why? Because I don't pay as close attention to politics as I should... and I don't want to get stoned to death by the democrats.

Situation # 3
You have just found a magical lamp....You rub it and a Genie pops out and grants you 2 wishes...And only 2.....What are they?

Wish #1: To grant me 1 wish a week for the rest of my life. (Don't want to be too greedy)
Wish #2: World peace. :-D

Pseudo Tagged

I really enjoy reading Such Simple Pleasures Blog. But today while reading I inadvertently got tagged! Not only did I get dinged with one meme, but there was a second one threw in there at the end. So I figure, what the hell, I'll do them both. It's not like I have bottles to wash, laundry to fold, a house to clean.... So here's 7 random facts about ME.

These are the rules:
1. Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog
2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
4. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Random fact #1:
I hate onions. I hate the smell of onions. I hate the feel of onions. I can't stand onion residue left over when I have had to remove an onion from my food. I do not like them raw, diced, chopped, minced, cooked, or sauteed. I do, however, like them fried. I like onion rings. It's the only way I will eat an onion. I know its strange! What? It's no different than you weirdo's who love ketchup but hate a tomato!

Random fact #2:
I shave my legs in the winter sporadically. Seriously. Unless I have a doctors appointment, I'm going to get a pedicure, or the hair is getting to the point where it's starting to curl, I don't bother! I'm cold natured anyway, so I'm always wearing pants. It doesn't help that I can't stand the sight of my pasty white elephant legs. A year ago my motto use to be, "tan fat is better than white fat"! But since a little brush with *almost* melanoma, tan fat is no longer an option. So these legs stay covered. Why bother with the tedious shaving if they're not to be seen by the general public? Now don't get all grossed out. It's usually only 2-3 weeks and I have blonde hair so I'm not some hairy legged amazon woman stomping around!

Random fact #3
I dread every Wednesday night. My husband is part of a dart league and has games every Wednesday night. He's gone from the house from 6:45p till 11p and after (And he usually gets home at 6p from work). So the way my work schedule is, one week (like today), is my last day of my week off from work. I go back to work the next day for a straight week of working 12 hours shifts (except on Sunday). So after running ragged all day after Alex and finally getting him in bed. I then have to make sure all the house stuff is done and everything is in order for me to return back to work. On the opposite Wednesday night, it is my last day of working my week. But because of darts, when I get off work at 9p (if I get off on time) I have to drive to the in-laws (joy joy), get Alex, pray he'll go to sleep at a decent hour, and after he finally does, attend to my house that has been neglected for the better part of the week. Hump day it is not.

Random fact #4
I don't like the name of my blog anymore. I don't know why. I just don't.

Random fact #5
I love to read. Before Alex I use to read a book or two a week. I started reading before Kindergarten so by the time I got to Kindergarten I was already reading at a 2nd grade level. The school of course wanted to skip me a grade, but thankfully my parents said no. They already saw how hard it was on my brother who in fact skipped kindergarten. It's a good thing, because reading was the only thing I was good at! Science and History I was fine in, but math, hell no. I hate math. Oh, and I had problem playing well with others. Now I average about a book a month. I'm still buying books like I'm reading them weekly. My husband is not thrilled with the stacks of books randomly placed all over the house.

Random fact #6
I came really close to having melanoma. There was a freckle on my lower leg that turned into a tiny mole..that got darker... and darker. It was really small but I know freckles weren't suppose to do that. So I just kept looking at it. Maybe I was waiting for it to go away. I waited for about two years. It didn't go away. So while I was on maternity leave I decided to make an appointment with the dermatologist. She of course dug it out and sent it to pathology. It came back. And they called and said I needed to give them a call about my pathology report. I forgot to return the phone call, more than once. I was busy was a newborn!! So finally I got a letter that said HEY DUMBASS, your pathology report was abnormal, call our office. Or something like that. So the result was, the mole was pre-cancer as in it was one stage below melanoma. If I would have procrastinated a few more months, it would have been melanoma. Scary. Lesson learned! Nothing like hearing you came close to having a deadly skin cancer with a 6 week old baby at home! So I had to go to a plastic surgeon who had to take an even bigger chunk out of my leg to make sure that the abnormal cells had not spread or made it to the blood vessels. Thankfully they had not. But now I have a scar like Harry Potter on my lower leg, although its not as cool. It kinda looks like a botched tattoo removal. Eh.

Random fact #7
I cuss too much. I use not to. No, I've always cussed. I mean it wasn't as bad as it is now! I drop the F bomb regularly, and thats new. Road rage is getting worse too. Is it because I'm getting older? Old and crotchety? Ha ha! Oh well, it's just something else for me to jot down in my list of things to work on.

Now technically I'm suppose to tag 7 people. But instead I'm just going to tag YOU! Yep, thats right, YOU! TAG! You read it and not you're tagged. Sucks for you! Although I am going to call one person out:

HEY MARIA! TAG!

I won't tag anyone on the second one. The second meme rules are:

* Pick up the nearest book of at least 123 pages.
* Open it to page 123.
* Find the 5th sentence.
* Post the next 3 sentences.
* Tag 3 people.

Taken from Stone Cold by David Baldacci
An hour later she took a break and Milton followed her to a table outside the bar area where she sipped on a cup of coffee, an unlit cigarette dangling in her free hand. Milton said, "Mrs. Radnor?" Startled, the woman looked at him warily.