I'm back!!!

OMG people! OK! Here is another blog for the love of God! I can't beleive how many of you have been bitching about me not updating my blog. But FINE! Here is another one! No seriously, I blame it on summer, Cape Fear Parents, Circle of Moms, and Toddler Tamers! When I'm not working I'm always doing something, somewhere with Alex and a bunch of kick ass mom's! Anyway... on with my blog. I feel it's time for my Realizations Part Deux.

1. I'm living a double life.
Well, not really. But it sure feels like it. They way my work schedule is, I basically work a full week and then I am off a full week. So one week I am a full time paramedic working 12+ hours a day, dealing with bullshit and non compliant jerks. Now, there are the rare moments where someone dials 911 and asks for an ambulance because they actually need one! Those are the times I love my job and know I belong in the medical field. But then there are the times when people call 911 because their tooth hurts. Because they got in a car accident, have no visible damage to the car, but want to go to the hospital by ambulance in hopes of getting money from the other person's insurance. Or they call because, "they will get seen quicker if they go by ambulance". Hey guess what? You tell me that and your ass is going to the waiting room! If you are NOT having a medical emergency, guess where you're going anyway? That's right, the waiting room. And now you're going to get a $500+ taxi cab bill. Dumbass. Ack, I went off on a tangent... So anyway, the next week I am a full time stay at home mom! And I LOVE every single minute of it. Not only am I back in a "mommie's" group, but I am in three. Yep, three. On those weeks that I'm a SAHM, my days are filled with love, laughter, and friendship! There's is never a dull moment. My days are relatively stress free... minus Alex's new and developing tantrums....eh. So I live a double life. I like my life as a full time stay at home mom the best. If I could I would quit my job and leave the medical field for a few years to raise Alex and start on baby #2. BUT there are bills to pay, and life styles to maintain. I chose to live this way so I'm not bitching. I'm just sayin'.. I live a double life.

2. I can't blog without going off on tangents! I just had to say that. As I saw my first realization was a rambling mess. Oh well.

3. A mother's love is the best feeling in the whole world. Every day I get to watch Alex experience the world. There is nothing better. Just this last week I watched Alex and his best friend, Mary Ruth, walk around a kids play group holding hands! Ok, so Mary Ruth was really pulling Alex along, but like the gentleman that he is, he just contently followed. How freakin' cute it that? I fell in love with him all over again. I have been amazed watching their friendship grow from two babies that just wallowed on the floor completely unaware of each other, to two friends who lay on one another while watching TV. Or get huge grins on their faces when they see one another and do little happy dances when they walk in the front door. Or swap paci's and sippy cups like it's normal. The other day Alex and Mary Ruth were side by side in the shopping cart at Costco and a passerby exlaimed, "Oh what adorable babies! Are they twins?" I just giggled and said no. (Although the deep down smart ass in me wanted to say, "YES! They're identical twins as a matter of fact, dumbass!" Now don't you think they look just like twins:


I melt when I see Alex smile. I don't know how I'm going discipline him when he looks at me with those chocolate puppy dog eyes and his deep dimpled grin. His laugh is intoxicating. That is not mother's bias. You can ask anyone who has heard his deep belly laugh! Just sitting here thinking about him, and writing about him, makes me sad and depressed because he is not within arms reach. Instead I'm sitting here at work getting paid to blog. Ahhhh, a slow day at work! I understand there are those women who have no desire to be a mother, or feel that they don't have maternal instinct. But damn are they missing the best feeling in the world.

4. I hate double dippers. Have you ever been to a fondue restaraunt? If not, then you seriously need to go. Just don't get stuck beside a double dipper. You know, the ones who use their prongs to put their food in the melted cheese, chocolate, meat broth, etc. and then eat off that same prong and then dip again with another piece of food! They may claim that they're not double dipping because they're mouth isn't touching the prong...but come on. It's double dipping. You know who you are. You know I'm talking about you. And you also know I told I was going to blog about it so the whole world can know you're a double dipper! AND you know I'm blowing smoke up your ass because I can. So to you Jen, here is my shout out! Did it meet your expectations? Love you! Alas, that is actually not the kind of double dipping I am talking about. Because in all fairness I have double dipped in a fondue pot myself. You just can't help it when the peanut butter milk chocolate is dissapearing faster than ice on a summer's day black top!(Ahem, preggo Megan!!) I'm talking about the double dippers of life, which thankfully Jen is NOT one!. Every circle of friends have one, or two, or many. They are the ones who can't decide who they really are. Maybe they don't like themselves. Or maybe they think they are by far the most awesome person in the world. But they just can't seem to stay in one pot, or use one prong appropriatetly. They jump from group to group, or more appropriately, clique to clique, and are seemingly best buddies with everyone. Where in truth they are actually just stirring the pot and causing trouble for their own enjoyment. Yes there are people that are truely friends with all sorts. But I'm talking about the ones who are as fake as silicone. They are nosy and curious and evil. It's like they have jellyfish tenticles that reach out and snag every friend they can just so they can feel loved and important. They may seem like the sweetest most innocent individual. Until you hear the whisperings that take place behind your back. The conversations that get twisted and turned to where it's really not something that was said at all or the intentions were completely misplaced. These double dippers know they are doing it, yet when they are unveiled they then try to become the victim. It amuses them, and it must give them some sort of feeling of fullfillment. To each their own I suppose. Just don't expect me to trust you within an inch of my life if I found out that you are a double dipper.

5.Mama Drama is everywhere and in every group. Period. You would think I would learn from past experiences and just stay away from mommy groups all together. But that is not so. Maybe I'm a glutten for punishment. I joined Circle of Mom's back in February and WOW! What an awesome group of women! AND they best part is they are totally focused on the kids and play dates and just having fun. I love them! A smaller group branched off of Circle of Moms called Toddler Tamers. It is the same concept, just a smaller, more intimate group of moms! And last but not least my friends and I launched our own group, Cape Fear Parents. A total success on our part, thank you, thank you! If you're reading this (and I actually like you), then why the hell aren't you on our site?! www.capefearparents.com Go, register! We're not just mom's either! Mom and Dad's are welcomed with open arms! But in every one of these groups there have been drama. Circle of Mom's has it's own little dramas popping up here and there, though rare. Thankfully I was not involved in any of it and for the most part they seem to have resolved without imploding the whole grouop. We've had some slight drama on Cape Fear Parents, but it remained within the admin group and our members were none the wiser! I'd like to call that growing pains. And then there was some recent drama on Toddler Tamers. Actually I won't call it drama. Because the whole group got a big laugh out of one person's ridiculous statments and sent off with a good riddance! As I mentioned earlier, Toddler Tamers (TT) is a smaller mom's group, currently with 20 members. Last week or two, a new member registered, browsed the gruop and then sent an email to Beth, admin of TT. We'll call this member S. S said she was once in another mom's group in which one of the current members on TT (ME, or Kristie!) was also in with some friends. S said this person (ME, or Kristie!) caused a bunch of trouble along with "her friends" and was subsequently kicked out of the group with her friends. S did not want to be associated with us or the group because we were in it. The member S, who is now not a member S, never named names but made it glaringly obvious who she was talking about. That's right, the original Mama Drama is fucking following me. *sigh* But as the way life is, the girls of TT are my friends and love me and the other friends, aka banned mommies, for who we are. So they did the one finger wave and said sayonara! The irritating and amusing part is this individual, yes I know who you are, was not even involved in the Mama Drama and has never even met us in person. So take your so called high morals stay on WM. Oh and say buh bye to Cape Fear Parents too. Dumbass. So if you ever think you are going to be part of any group that is largely women, be prepared for drama. No matter how hard you try to avoid it, a woman is a woman. And we are bitches.

McDonald's Corruption at One Year, 2 Weeks, and 2 Days Old!

Today I bought Alex his first Happy Meal from McDonald's. On our way home from Alex's one year well check (yah, great time to do it!) I called my friend Temple who was currently driving half across the state with her daughter Mary Ruth. They just so happened to be stopped at a McDonald's enjoying some lunch! Mary Ruth was munching on her first happy meal and Temple was lamenting about buying her first happy meal! After we hung up and I continued driving home I realized I was hungry. And there was no food at the house. Lo and behold there was a McDonald's on the way home! (Who doesn't have a McDonald's on the way home, really?)

So I ordered Alex his first happy meal. A four piece chicken nugget with apple dippers and an apple juice. I have no clue how much I paid for all of that. Too much I'm sure. Because I think all in all, Alex ate 1 1/2 chicken nuggets and about 3 apple slices. The juice box is still in the fridge. We drink 75% water with our juice around here. I was initially really excited because I thought Alex ate 3 chicken nuggets! But no, he fed some to the dog and when I picked him up from his high chair he was sitting on several pieces that probably made up another half. That again, went to the dog. So I added some Gerber Yogurt Melts (those rock!) and called it a meal. Whatever works.

I don't feel guilty for stopping at McDonald's. His lunch was probably healthier than if he had eaten a Gerber Graduates meal. Have you ever looked at the label on those things? Hello sodium! Plus the anal retentive in me peeled away most of the breading and just gave him the chicken. At least I hope it was chicken. They claim its all white meat. Who's white meat, I'm not sure. As long as its not Michael Jackson's...

I hate being a fat person. I hate that my husband is fat. At least we're not FAT fat. Just overweight fat, but not like holy shit look at them fat! I know I have poor eating habits and that my husbands are even worse. At least I eat vegetables. Stupid man. I'm worried that Alex is going to be overweight. So I scrutinize and over analyze everything I feed him. Trying to make sure he's eating enough veggies, and fruits. But I don't want to deny him anything either, like red meat. I would hurt someone if they took away my steak. Now candy and sugars and such, I have no problem denying him. Like juice. To me that is just wasted calories and so bad for the teeth! I know what my problem is. I need to cook. I need to learn to cook more and like it. *In my whiny voice* But I don't want to! I hate all the prepping, and cooking, and then cleaning, for 20 minutes of eating! Grrrrrr! Any advice in that area would be great.

It's so sad that I was thrilled today at Alex's one year well check that his weight fell into the 75th percentile instead of the 90th percentile, where it's been since he was 2 weeks old. His noggin's still in the 90% though, ha ha! Poor little guy, his height dipped under the 50th percentile. Oh well, he's going to be short like his parents. No shocker there.

Well, my first 30 minutes of my precious nap time were wasted cleaning the gazillion parts of the only sippy cups that Alex adores. Why can't that child learn to tilt a cup UP? He insists on straws. And the straw cups come with parts. I hate parts. Parts I have to wash. And lose. Oh well. So I've heard from a few different Speech Language Pathologists, straws are better in the long run. And the last 45 minutes were devoted to this blog. Now I suppose I should go do some housework. I have laundry to fold, laundry to wash, dishes to put away, strawberries drying in the drain waiting to be sliced, toys to straighten..... yet my big fluffy red couch and the TV looks awful inviting with my entirely too many DVR'd shows to be watched.....