Low Bullshit Tolerance

I'm not a bitch, I just have a low bullshit tolerance. That's my new mantra. It's true though, I don't like being handed a pile of bullshit. I can see through bullshit like a brand new pane of glass. In the same hand, I can usually bust up any lie. My mom says I'm manipulative and I have been since day one. Sure, that can be a bad thing. But not always. It helps me at work by enhancing by critical thinking skills. I'm quick on my feet in almost any situation. It keeps my over analyzing everything, which can be annoying.. but I figure things out fairly quickly. Like when you're bullshitting me, or lying to me. I think it's funny when people say, I have no reason to lie to you. Because most of the time, it means: I have about 100 reasons to lie to you but I don't want you to suspect me of being anything but truthful. My trust is not given easily, freely, or naively. You have to earn it. And it takes a while.. especially if you tell me you have no reason to lie to me!

People who don't know me very well, or have only met me a few times may think I'm quiet and reserved. A lot think I'm a bitch. Apparently when I'm not smiling I look like a total bitch. Although the ones who really know me, know I'm far from that! They know that I have a tough outer shell and that I'm a big softy on the inside. I hate that character flaw about me. If you hurt my feelings, you won't know about it.. because I'll cry about it in private, then put on my brave face and act like everything is okay. Now if you piss me, you'll know! Quickly. Someone recently called me a firecracker. Am I really? I guess I do have a temper, especially where work bullshit is concerned. I'm not sure if being a firecracker is a good thing or not. *shrugs* People also say that I have an attitude. No, I AM an attitude. I am one big walking attitude. That is what makes me ME.

Another character flaw that you wouldn't think would be a bad thing, is that I will bend over backwards for any one of my friends. Especially someone that I care about. Almost always it's at the expense of my own happiness, or my own needs, or even my own wants. And lately that seems to be biting me in the ass. I get so exhausted from giving and giving and getting very little in return. I'm tired of being disappointed. Disappointment hurts. It's one of those things that makes me cry in private, then look at you in the eyes and smile and say every things okay. Eventually it may build up, and I have one of my bipolar days, where I'm quiet and thoughful.. or fuming on the inside, or I may just turn into a total bitch and bite your head off. You'll know you angered me... but you'll never know you hurt me.

Sometimes I want to just walk away from situations like those. The ones where I let people hurt me but then say it's ok, I understand. Or I'll get over it. But then something pulls me back in. Oh, yeah,it's my heart. Because I fucking care too damn much. One of my downfalls I suppose... my heart can be my best and worst trait. I lead with my heart more than my head.. hence my problems. My eyes really are windows to my soul... if you think you really know me, then you should know that already. You know how I truly feel by just looking in me eyes. (Right Sara?) That's the one thing I have never been able to master hiding from others. Damnitt.

I love it when I hear people call me a bitch. Who say I'm cold, abrasive,unapproachable... I just laugh because it's someone who hasn't taken the time to know me. Or has made assumptions about me. You know what happens when you assume... no no, you don't make an ass our of u and me, you just don't ever become my friend. Bitches.

Is there a point to this blog? Nope. I just have a bunch of crap on my mind and Jenn wanted me to update my blog... so there you go. Updated just for you Jenn!

Buzzed and blogging...

Earlier this afternoon I felt the urge to need some mommy juice..aka alcohol. I managed to wait till after dinner to down a few. No I'm not a damn alcoholic. Ever since becoming a mom, I rarely ever get the chance to just relax, have a drink, and be me. So it didn't take many bitch beers tonight to get me buzzing! Ahhhh to be back at ECU...*sigh*... With my wifely duties done, and my husband snoring contently in the other room, I'm finally free to sit here buzzing and be ME!


I've had a lot of things on my mind lately and apparently alcohol makes those thoughts whirl through my head like a tornado! Isn't it funny how things can change so quickly? I'm not talking about tragedies that happen in a blink of an eye, or natural disasters. I'm just talking about every day life. How things that once seemed so important are no longer that important. Or how you felt about something or someone has completely changed. It happens gradually but then WHAM it's right there in your face and you are left wondering, when did that happed? Is the grass really greener on the other side? Or does it just look really green, but as soon as you step on it, it turns to shit? Am I happy or am I just content?

Don't worry, I'm not depressed, or throwing a pity party.. that's not me at all!! I'm just sitting here wondering out loud...or wondering on the keyboard.. or whatever. Blogging....pfft...why the hell do I blog? Oh yah, because it's suppose to be therapeutic. But so are bitch beers!

I'm lucky that I have a best friend that I've known since I was 12. She knows me, really knows me. I love that I can tell her what's in my head..what I'm thinking, decisions I make, feelings I have.. and she doesn't judge me. I know she will be there for me no matter what stupid decisions I may make. She's the one who knows when I'm really angry, even when I smile and swear that I'm not. She's the one who knows my moods and handles them like a pro. She's the one who gets my sense of humor and laughs at my hyper antics. I'm lucky and I know it.

I trust her 100%. But I have other friends that I want to trust like that. I want to believe that they have good intentions. I want to believe that they're not after certain things. I've been burned before for being too trusting. But I want to be happy. And if trusting this person makes me happy, then shouldn't I?

I learned recently from another friend that personal happiness needs to come first. He made a life altering decision in order to gain true happiness. He doesn't like what happened, or how it happened, or who it hurt. But he's finally truely happy. I understand what he did and why he did it. I just can't seem to do it for myself. On some levels, I feel like putting my happiness in front of others is selfish and irresponsible. But I want to be happy.

I'm turning 30 in about six months and I'm not upset, or bummed about it. I'm ready to see what my 30's hold in store for me and I'm ready to leave the 20's behind! I'm happy with the person I have become. Sure, there are some things that still need work, like my fat ass! But for the most part I'm content. I speak my mind and I don't take shit from anyone. I'm a smart ass and know I can come off as the ultimate bitch. Sometimes I come off as a hard ass, but really I just have a tough shell and am a big softy on the inside. I love to have fun, and enjoy life. I love to smile. I'm giving and I'm compassionate. My true friends know that I will bend over backwards to do anything for them. But what I don't know is, am I happy? Am I truely happy?

Dreams that make you go hmmmmm....

Do you ever wake up in the morning and the first thing you think is "What the...?" Dreams are crazy! They're scary, weird, pleasant, entertaining, and above all, thought provoking! Dreams represent a world of imagery in which our darkest fears, deepest secrets, and most passionate fantasies break out from the unconscious mind. When I wake up, sometimes I remember the dream(s) in vivid detail, and sometimes they are just faint memories. Of course some mornings I wake up and don't remember dreaming at all. It's the dreams that leave me with a lingering feeling that stay with me.

It's the dreams where I can remember certain people, certain situations, and certain feelings that stick with me throughout the day, and sometimes for weeks. Why did I dream about that person? And why was I doing that with that person? Why did I wake up scared of something? What does that have to do with me and my life? Is it because whatever feelings that were evoked, are missing from my life? Is it a secret desire that I really have and won't admit to myself? Or is it some random entertaining story that my mind made up with bits and pieces of my memory and used me as the star actress? The rules of reality just simply do not apply to dreams. The other night I dreamed about someone and I can't get it or him out of my head. I keep asking myself WHY? Why, did I dream that and why him? But that's just this weeks lingering dream. Who knows what next week will bring.

I was lucky enough to be roommates with my best friend from high school while I was at college (GO PIRATES!). Even though we were two totally different people, we had a lot of the same interests and passions. Julie was obsessed with dreams. She had a lot of dream interpretation books and we loved to talk about our dreams and try to dissect them and figure out their meaning. Where Julie is now in life, I have no clue. But I sure wish she was still a part of my life so I could call her up and say, "Hey, what the hell did that mean?" Oh yah, and so I could also tell her, "Hey I have an awesome one year old son...." *sigh*

Since my recent dream has been on my mind I decided to find an online "dream dictionary" and I found several that are quite decent! If this is your kind of thing, check them out!

http://www.dreammoods.com/

http://health.discovery.com/centers/sleepdreams/universaldreams/universaldreams.html

http://www.mydreamvisions.com/pages/dream-interpretation-steps.php

I'm back!!!

OMG people! OK! Here is another blog for the love of God! I can't beleive how many of you have been bitching about me not updating my blog. But FINE! Here is another one! No seriously, I blame it on summer, Cape Fear Parents, Circle of Moms, and Toddler Tamers! When I'm not working I'm always doing something, somewhere with Alex and a bunch of kick ass mom's! Anyway... on with my blog. I feel it's time for my Realizations Part Deux.

1. I'm living a double life.
Well, not really. But it sure feels like it. They way my work schedule is, I basically work a full week and then I am off a full week. So one week I am a full time paramedic working 12+ hours a day, dealing with bullshit and non compliant jerks. Now, there are the rare moments where someone dials 911 and asks for an ambulance because they actually need one! Those are the times I love my job and know I belong in the medical field. But then there are the times when people call 911 because their tooth hurts. Because they got in a car accident, have no visible damage to the car, but want to go to the hospital by ambulance in hopes of getting money from the other person's insurance. Or they call because, "they will get seen quicker if they go by ambulance". Hey guess what? You tell me that and your ass is going to the waiting room! If you are NOT having a medical emergency, guess where you're going anyway? That's right, the waiting room. And now you're going to get a $500+ taxi cab bill. Dumbass. Ack, I went off on a tangent... So anyway, the next week I am a full time stay at home mom! And I LOVE every single minute of it. Not only am I back in a "mommie's" group, but I am in three. Yep, three. On those weeks that I'm a SAHM, my days are filled with love, laughter, and friendship! There's is never a dull moment. My days are relatively stress free... minus Alex's new and developing tantrums....eh. So I live a double life. I like my life as a full time stay at home mom the best. If I could I would quit my job and leave the medical field for a few years to raise Alex and start on baby #2. BUT there are bills to pay, and life styles to maintain. I chose to live this way so I'm not bitching. I'm just sayin'.. I live a double life.

2. I can't blog without going off on tangents! I just had to say that. As I saw my first realization was a rambling mess. Oh well.

3. A mother's love is the best feeling in the whole world. Every day I get to watch Alex experience the world. There is nothing better. Just this last week I watched Alex and his best friend, Mary Ruth, walk around a kids play group holding hands! Ok, so Mary Ruth was really pulling Alex along, but like the gentleman that he is, he just contently followed. How freakin' cute it that? I fell in love with him all over again. I have been amazed watching their friendship grow from two babies that just wallowed on the floor completely unaware of each other, to two friends who lay on one another while watching TV. Or get huge grins on their faces when they see one another and do little happy dances when they walk in the front door. Or swap paci's and sippy cups like it's normal. The other day Alex and Mary Ruth were side by side in the shopping cart at Costco and a passerby exlaimed, "Oh what adorable babies! Are they twins?" I just giggled and said no. (Although the deep down smart ass in me wanted to say, "YES! They're identical twins as a matter of fact, dumbass!" Now don't you think they look just like twins:


I melt when I see Alex smile. I don't know how I'm going discipline him when he looks at me with those chocolate puppy dog eyes and his deep dimpled grin. His laugh is intoxicating. That is not mother's bias. You can ask anyone who has heard his deep belly laugh! Just sitting here thinking about him, and writing about him, makes me sad and depressed because he is not within arms reach. Instead I'm sitting here at work getting paid to blog. Ahhhh, a slow day at work! I understand there are those women who have no desire to be a mother, or feel that they don't have maternal instinct. But damn are they missing the best feeling in the world.

4. I hate double dippers. Have you ever been to a fondue restaraunt? If not, then you seriously need to go. Just don't get stuck beside a double dipper. You know, the ones who use their prongs to put their food in the melted cheese, chocolate, meat broth, etc. and then eat off that same prong and then dip again with another piece of food! They may claim that they're not double dipping because they're mouth isn't touching the prong...but come on. It's double dipping. You know who you are. You know I'm talking about you. And you also know I told I was going to blog about it so the whole world can know you're a double dipper! AND you know I'm blowing smoke up your ass because I can. So to you Jen, here is my shout out! Did it meet your expectations? Love you! Alas, that is actually not the kind of double dipping I am talking about. Because in all fairness I have double dipped in a fondue pot myself. You just can't help it when the peanut butter milk chocolate is dissapearing faster than ice on a summer's day black top!(Ahem, preggo Megan!!) I'm talking about the double dippers of life, which thankfully Jen is NOT one!. Every circle of friends have one, or two, or many. They are the ones who can't decide who they really are. Maybe they don't like themselves. Or maybe they think they are by far the most awesome person in the world. But they just can't seem to stay in one pot, or use one prong appropriatetly. They jump from group to group, or more appropriately, clique to clique, and are seemingly best buddies with everyone. Where in truth they are actually just stirring the pot and causing trouble for their own enjoyment. Yes there are people that are truely friends with all sorts. But I'm talking about the ones who are as fake as silicone. They are nosy and curious and evil. It's like they have jellyfish tenticles that reach out and snag every friend they can just so they can feel loved and important. They may seem like the sweetest most innocent individual. Until you hear the whisperings that take place behind your back. The conversations that get twisted and turned to where it's really not something that was said at all or the intentions were completely misplaced. These double dippers know they are doing it, yet when they are unveiled they then try to become the victim. It amuses them, and it must give them some sort of feeling of fullfillment. To each their own I suppose. Just don't expect me to trust you within an inch of my life if I found out that you are a double dipper.

5.Mama Drama is everywhere and in every group. Period. You would think I would learn from past experiences and just stay away from mommy groups all together. But that is not so. Maybe I'm a glutten for punishment. I joined Circle of Mom's back in February and WOW! What an awesome group of women! AND they best part is they are totally focused on the kids and play dates and just having fun. I love them! A smaller group branched off of Circle of Moms called Toddler Tamers. It is the same concept, just a smaller, more intimate group of moms! And last but not least my friends and I launched our own group, Cape Fear Parents. A total success on our part, thank you, thank you! If you're reading this (and I actually like you), then why the hell aren't you on our site?! www.capefearparents.com Go, register! We're not just mom's either! Mom and Dad's are welcomed with open arms! But in every one of these groups there have been drama. Circle of Mom's has it's own little dramas popping up here and there, though rare. Thankfully I was not involved in any of it and for the most part they seem to have resolved without imploding the whole grouop. We've had some slight drama on Cape Fear Parents, but it remained within the admin group and our members were none the wiser! I'd like to call that growing pains. And then there was some recent drama on Toddler Tamers. Actually I won't call it drama. Because the whole group got a big laugh out of one person's ridiculous statments and sent off with a good riddance! As I mentioned earlier, Toddler Tamers (TT) is a smaller mom's group, currently with 20 members. Last week or two, a new member registered, browsed the gruop and then sent an email to Beth, admin of TT. We'll call this member S. S said she was once in another mom's group in which one of the current members on TT (ME, or Kristie!) was also in with some friends. S said this person (ME, or Kristie!) caused a bunch of trouble along with "her friends" and was subsequently kicked out of the group with her friends. S did not want to be associated with us or the group because we were in it. The member S, who is now not a member S, never named names but made it glaringly obvious who she was talking about. That's right, the original Mama Drama is fucking following me. *sigh* But as the way life is, the girls of TT are my friends and love me and the other friends, aka banned mommies, for who we are. So they did the one finger wave and said sayonara! The irritating and amusing part is this individual, yes I know who you are, was not even involved in the Mama Drama and has never even met us in person. So take your so called high morals stay on WM. Oh and say buh bye to Cape Fear Parents too. Dumbass. So if you ever think you are going to be part of any group that is largely women, be prepared for drama. No matter how hard you try to avoid it, a woman is a woman. And we are bitches.

McDonald's Corruption at One Year, 2 Weeks, and 2 Days Old!

Today I bought Alex his first Happy Meal from McDonald's. On our way home from Alex's one year well check (yah, great time to do it!) I called my friend Temple who was currently driving half across the state with her daughter Mary Ruth. They just so happened to be stopped at a McDonald's enjoying some lunch! Mary Ruth was munching on her first happy meal and Temple was lamenting about buying her first happy meal! After we hung up and I continued driving home I realized I was hungry. And there was no food at the house. Lo and behold there was a McDonald's on the way home! (Who doesn't have a McDonald's on the way home, really?)

So I ordered Alex his first happy meal. A four piece chicken nugget with apple dippers and an apple juice. I have no clue how much I paid for all of that. Too much I'm sure. Because I think all in all, Alex ate 1 1/2 chicken nuggets and about 3 apple slices. The juice box is still in the fridge. We drink 75% water with our juice around here. I was initially really excited because I thought Alex ate 3 chicken nuggets! But no, he fed some to the dog and when I picked him up from his high chair he was sitting on several pieces that probably made up another half. That again, went to the dog. So I added some Gerber Yogurt Melts (those rock!) and called it a meal. Whatever works.

I don't feel guilty for stopping at McDonald's. His lunch was probably healthier than if he had eaten a Gerber Graduates meal. Have you ever looked at the label on those things? Hello sodium! Plus the anal retentive in me peeled away most of the breading and just gave him the chicken. At least I hope it was chicken. They claim its all white meat. Who's white meat, I'm not sure. As long as its not Michael Jackson's...

I hate being a fat person. I hate that my husband is fat. At least we're not FAT fat. Just overweight fat, but not like holy shit look at them fat! I know I have poor eating habits and that my husbands are even worse. At least I eat vegetables. Stupid man. I'm worried that Alex is going to be overweight. So I scrutinize and over analyze everything I feed him. Trying to make sure he's eating enough veggies, and fruits. But I don't want to deny him anything either, like red meat. I would hurt someone if they took away my steak. Now candy and sugars and such, I have no problem denying him. Like juice. To me that is just wasted calories and so bad for the teeth! I know what my problem is. I need to cook. I need to learn to cook more and like it. *In my whiny voice* But I don't want to! I hate all the prepping, and cooking, and then cleaning, for 20 minutes of eating! Grrrrrr! Any advice in that area would be great.

It's so sad that I was thrilled today at Alex's one year well check that his weight fell into the 75th percentile instead of the 90th percentile, where it's been since he was 2 weeks old. His noggin's still in the 90% though, ha ha! Poor little guy, his height dipped under the 50th percentile. Oh well, he's going to be short like his parents. No shocker there.

Well, my first 30 minutes of my precious nap time were wasted cleaning the gazillion parts of the only sippy cups that Alex adores. Why can't that child learn to tilt a cup UP? He insists on straws. And the straw cups come with parts. I hate parts. Parts I have to wash. And lose. Oh well. So I've heard from a few different Speech Language Pathologists, straws are better in the long run. And the last 45 minutes were devoted to this blog. Now I suppose I should go do some housework. I have laundry to fold, laundry to wash, dishes to put away, strawberries drying in the drain waiting to be sliced, toys to straighten..... yet my big fluffy red couch and the TV looks awful inviting with my entirely too many DVR'd shows to be watched.....

The hell?

Not more than fifteen minutes ago I left the scene of an accident that I was on. (I am currently at work, and yes I rushed back so I could blog about it. What? If I didn't, thanks to the damn Topamax, I would have forgotten!) It was a two car accident with moderate damage, everyone was okay. After colliding, the two cars actually ended up in a parking lot. This parking lot is right next to a NC State Trooper station so there just so happened to be four NC State Troopers on scene, alone with the usual Fire and myself-EMS. (It was in the city limits but city PD was not on scene yet) As my partner was talking to the only patient who was complaining of injuries, and I was chatting with the fire guys-and gal, this black BMW drove amongst the emergency vehicles. The driver talks animatedly with hand gestures and with a distinct attitude to one of the troopers. The trooper naturally responds back with an attitude and a bad ass, arms across the chest, stance. The fire guys-and gal, and I are straining to hear the words being exchanged, but we can only here a few words. I hear from the driver " trying to avoid" and from the trooper "so it's my fault?"

I guess she was somehow involved in this wreck even though there is not a scratch on her shiny black high dollar BMW with Maryland tags. I glance at the driver. She's apparently okay because she's still flapping her arms and her lips at the state trooper who is clearly irritated. The front seat passenger is shaking her head and rolling her eyes. At everyone. (I wanted to go shake the piss out of her and I didn't even I have a reason). And the three in the back seat were licking their fingers as they were polishing off some chicken bones glistening with grease. I kid you not.

I turned my attention back to Bridgette (the fire gal) and we chatted about how the day was going and other random small talk. The other fire guys joined us after they finished cleaning the fluid spills. We started trying to figure out just what the hell the BMW had to do with the wreck. We speculated all kinds of stuff based on the damage, the skid marks, the fluid trails...couldn't figure it out. Finally City PD showed up and we watched the troopers talk to him for a minutes. Then he approached the BMW and talked to the driver. The City PD guy left her, shaking his head and half laughing/half grunting, and went to talk to the two actually involved in the accident.

After the City officer walked away the driver of the BMW got out of her car and approached the same trooper she was talking to earlier. She was carrying a little notepad and she was angry. Again we couldn't hear her but she obviously asked for his name because the trooper stuck out his chest where his name plate was and she wrote it down and stormed back to her car

I just couldn't stand it anymore. I had to know. What the hell was with the BMW and this wreck. So I walked over to the gaggle of troopers and to the one who appeared to be the head hauncho. And told him, "Ok. You have Fire and EMS confused. We've been trying to figure it out and we can't. What the hell does that BMW have to do with the wreck?" He chuckled, and said "Let me tell you what the hell that BMW has to do with the wreck. That BMW ran over a piece of plastic that came off of one of the vehicles after the collision in the middle of the road and she is claiming that it damaged her vehicle. She wants both of their insurance information so she can file claims against them."

THE HELL? Short for WHAT THE HELL? My friend Maria says that and now she has me saying it. Thanks M. But that is what literally came screeching out of my mouth. All of the troopers started laughing and then one told me jokingly that I should probably go check the driver out to see if she's injured too. Again, "the hell" came flying out of my mouth. Followed by, "the fuck ever".

After she got back in her vehicle, she wrote a few more things down in her little notebook and finally decided to leave. Not before nearly missing an unmarked trooper vehicle, the firetruck, and the rear end of my ambulance as she haphazardly navigated her way out of the cluster of emergency vehicles she drove right into the middle of in the first place.

*sigh* And this is why I HATE STUPID PEOPLE! But it is job security after all!

But here is one interesting little tidbit that occurred to me after the whole little incident that my partner, Larry, brought up as we were on the way to our station. There was some serious time lapse going on from when the actual impact occurred until the BMW arrived on scene. It had to have been at least, and I mean at the very least, 10 minutes since the accident occurred. Enough time had transpired for the incident to occur, 911 one to be called, and for me to drive to the accident scene (which I have documented took 8 minutes). Remember I was already on scene when this dumb ass pulled up! Larry came up with the the brilliant reason why. There's a KFC right down the road. Explains the bone lickin' greasy finger suckers in the back.

Topamaxtration

Do you ever ever just feel the need to blog but don't know what the hell to blog about? I swear at different times of the day something random will pop into my head and I'll think, yah thats what I'll blog about! But then a few hours later, poof! I'll have no friggin idea what the hell it was I was thinking about.

I'm going to blame it on the Topamax. A few weeks ago I was put on Topamax to help with my migraines/headaches. I thought my doctor just wanted to throw a medication at me because she could. I assumed my headaches were because of the tension and muscle tightness in my neck and I just needed a weekly masseuse. What? Doesn't everybody? Well lo and behold, I haven't had one headache since going on Topamax... minus the one day I forgot to take it.


One of the side effects is difficulty with concentration and attention. Seriously. Okay, whammie #1. I'm a blond. Whammie #2, I'm a mommy. Concentration is not exactly my forte. And now I'm going to have even more difficulty? Another side effect is loss of memory! Well there you go! There is my blogging problem! That must be why I have all these awesome blogs written in my head, usually while I'm driving down the road, or tossing and turning while trying to fall asleep, or taking a shower.... and don't have jack when I sit down in front of the computer!

Why can't I have one of the other listed side effects, ANOREXIA! Hell yah! There is one that I could use! Can the fat girl have a side effect that she can actual have a use for please!?! What the hell?

*sigh* Well at least I don't have headaches anymore.

Has anyone seen my brain?

Has anyone seen my brain lately? Seriously? As you can obviously see I haven't been blogging. 1)I couldn't really think of anything to blog about, random or not. And 2)I was busy with my sons first birthday party! That was this past Sunday which is why I didn't do my weekly Sunday Situation, which I still might do, maybe tomorrow. Or maybe not.

I love planning and throwing big events. Every year I throw a big Christmas party at our house for all of our closest friends. Each year its gets bigger and more entailed. But I HATE hostessing! Same goes for the big birthday party this past weekend!

For Alex's birthday we had a backyard pig pickin' here at the house. We're southern people! It's what we do. So I invited about 35 people, thinking about half would show up. Um, no almost all of them showed up. Except for Maria.. But she was sick so I'll let her slide. Although she lives in NC, and hates pig. So she probably just stayed home to avoid the pig and so she could lick her new laptop.

My husband turns into this super jack ass when we do big events like these. Never mind the fact that I had been busting my ass for the past three days doing stuff for the party, but apparently he diluted himself into thinking that he had been doing all the work. About and hour and a half before the guests were suppose to arrive I told me husband I was going to jump in the shower. He asked me where I wanted the tables so I pointed in a general direction and said "over there". He started to bitch, moan, and whine, so I turned around and went outside to help him find the exact square inch where to place the tables. While moving the first table we were arguing, about what I really have no clue. But he made the mistake of muttering, "I'm the one who's been doing all the work". What? I'm sorry, WHAT? You didn't clean the house. You didn't do one once of the shopping or planning. Did you decorate the inside and outside of the house? No. Who ordered, decided on, and picked up the cake? Invitations? Presents? Not you. I did all this while chasing after Alex. You're cooking the pig. You had to fetch the pig, get the pig cooker, and put the pig on the grill. Oh and you had to mow the lawn. Yah, wow you've had to do a lot of work. So I drop the table. And I walk inside. He can move the fucking tables himself. I am so livid I can feel my damn body humming. You know the kind of angry I'm talking about where you feel like a live wire? Eventually it passed. He never did apologize. I hate it that we always argue when planning things like this. Never fails.

So the bitches at the party store lied about the balloon weights. I asked them, "Now these weights will keep 5 balloons down on the table in the backyard with some wind? Because my neighborhood is basically treeless." They said, oh yes! They will weigh about 20 balloons down. LIAR! Soon as I set them out on my perfectly done tables, whooooooooooosh, off they flew to the ground. Did I mention I'm somewhat of a perfectionist? I was pissed. Now my perfect tables were not perfect. I even had personally hand made little balloon clips that were keeping the table cloths on the tables in my windy backyard. Ugh. Damn wind. But at least we had sunny 70 degree weather! It was a gorgeous day!

On the day Alex was born, my husband gave me a necklace. It was a silver heart with a diamond butterfly on it. (I have a thing for butterflies) It's one of my favorite things to wear. Usually I put it on myself but I wanted Phillip to put it on me for nostalgia purposes. So I go outside and he's busy chopping up onions. I told him I was going to get him to put my necklace on me, but never mind his hands were nasty. He told me to go get his brother to do it, I said no, not this necklace. Then he said, go get his brother's girlfriend to do it. NO, not this necklace. I started to get a little misty eyed because it was starting to hit me that Alex was now a year old and not my "baby" anymore. So I started to put the necklace on myself and Phillip says, "I didn't think onions made you cry". They don't. Men. He figured it out a minute later.

So remember the whole, anyone seen my brain? Yah, I'm so pissed at myself. I never took a picture of the big birthday cake. The only picture of Alex's birthday cake that he destroyed was right before and while he was destroying it. I was so busy greeting people, talking to people, making sure people had things that I didn't take many pictures. I kept handing my camera off to people. I didn't have time to take any pictures before people got here because I had just gotten Alex and myself dressed right before people showed up. *sigh* I don't have any pictures of Alex with myself or Phillip except when he's eating his cake. I have NO pictures of Alex with any grandparents, family, or other adult friends. I don't have pictures of just people who came to the party. I'm so upset about this. And most people who know me know I'm a photo hog! I'm forever snapping pictures. I don't even remember other people snapping pictures. I know my mom and sister-in-law were taking a few. Oh woe is me. I do however have lots of pictures with Alex and his girlfriend Mary Ruth!! Too cute!!! And I have some great pictures of Alex eating his cake!

So now my baby is a toddler. Although he's been walking for a month now...so he's been "toddling" for a month. Does that mean he's really been a toddler for a month? I'm glad birthday's only come once a year because it was exhausting! I'm still in lazy mode and don't feel like doing jack today. But I guess I should get off my fat ass and go start laundry. At least I don't have to clean the cheerios up off the floor that Alex has been throw over his high chair since I started typing. He thinks it's hilarious that Mia, our yellow lab, is eating them off the floor as he throws them! God bless Mia.

Situation Sunday

Situation Sunday #52
Rules: You have no cell no phone. Visit Helena-Skyblue and leave a link

Situation # 1
Your spouse has been meeting their friends, every other week for a get together. They usually go to this strip club and hang out and have drinks. You have no problem with this until you find out your best friend has been moonlighting there......What do you do?

(This is totally hypothetical because I would not be cool with my husband hanging out at a strip club repeatedly.) Depends. How did I find out my best friend was working there? If my husband told me than I'd ask him if she was any good and exactly how much of her did he see? I'd then tell him he had to find a new place to hang out. If my best friend told me, I'd first say, "****, what the HELL is wrong with you? Why didn't you let me sign up with you? Dumb ass." Then I'd go home to proceed to beat the crap out of my husband.

Situation # 2
You are approached on the street by the local 6 O'clock broad caster. He asks you who do you feel best to win the Presidential Election.....Clinton, Obama or McCain. ( My spelling could be off}....What do you tell them?.......

I start signing random crap in sign language hoping they'll have no idea how to actually do sign language, think I'm deaf, they'll feel embarrassed, and leave me the hell alone. Why? Because I don't pay as close attention to politics as I should... and I don't want to get stoned to death by the democrats.

Situation # 3
You have just found a magical lamp....You rub it and a Genie pops out and grants you 2 wishes...And only 2.....What are they?

Wish #1: To grant me 1 wish a week for the rest of my life. (Don't want to be too greedy)
Wish #2: World peace. :-D

Pseudo Tagged

I really enjoy reading Such Simple Pleasures Blog. But today while reading I inadvertently got tagged! Not only did I get dinged with one meme, but there was a second one threw in there at the end. So I figure, what the hell, I'll do them both. It's not like I have bottles to wash, laundry to fold, a house to clean.... So here's 7 random facts about ME.

These are the rules:
1. Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog
2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
4. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Random fact #1:
I hate onions. I hate the smell of onions. I hate the feel of onions. I can't stand onion residue left over when I have had to remove an onion from my food. I do not like them raw, diced, chopped, minced, cooked, or sauteed. I do, however, like them fried. I like onion rings. It's the only way I will eat an onion. I know its strange! What? It's no different than you weirdo's who love ketchup but hate a tomato!

Random fact #2:
I shave my legs in the winter sporadically. Seriously. Unless I have a doctors appointment, I'm going to get a pedicure, or the hair is getting to the point where it's starting to curl, I don't bother! I'm cold natured anyway, so I'm always wearing pants. It doesn't help that I can't stand the sight of my pasty white elephant legs. A year ago my motto use to be, "tan fat is better than white fat"! But since a little brush with *almost* melanoma, tan fat is no longer an option. So these legs stay covered. Why bother with the tedious shaving if they're not to be seen by the general public? Now don't get all grossed out. It's usually only 2-3 weeks and I have blonde hair so I'm not some hairy legged amazon woman stomping around!

Random fact #3
I dread every Wednesday night. My husband is part of a dart league and has games every Wednesday night. He's gone from the house from 6:45p till 11p and after (And he usually gets home at 6p from work). So the way my work schedule is, one week (like today), is my last day of my week off from work. I go back to work the next day for a straight week of working 12 hours shifts (except on Sunday). So after running ragged all day after Alex and finally getting him in bed. I then have to make sure all the house stuff is done and everything is in order for me to return back to work. On the opposite Wednesday night, it is my last day of working my week. But because of darts, when I get off work at 9p (if I get off on time) I have to drive to the in-laws (joy joy), get Alex, pray he'll go to sleep at a decent hour, and after he finally does, attend to my house that has been neglected for the better part of the week. Hump day it is not.

Random fact #4
I don't like the name of my blog anymore. I don't know why. I just don't.

Random fact #5
I love to read. Before Alex I use to read a book or two a week. I started reading before Kindergarten so by the time I got to Kindergarten I was already reading at a 2nd grade level. The school of course wanted to skip me a grade, but thankfully my parents said no. They already saw how hard it was on my brother who in fact skipped kindergarten. It's a good thing, because reading was the only thing I was good at! Science and History I was fine in, but math, hell no. I hate math. Oh, and I had problem playing well with others. Now I average about a book a month. I'm still buying books like I'm reading them weekly. My husband is not thrilled with the stacks of books randomly placed all over the house.

Random fact #6
I came really close to having melanoma. There was a freckle on my lower leg that turned into a tiny mole..that got darker... and darker. It was really small but I know freckles weren't suppose to do that. So I just kept looking at it. Maybe I was waiting for it to go away. I waited for about two years. It didn't go away. So while I was on maternity leave I decided to make an appointment with the dermatologist. She of course dug it out and sent it to pathology. It came back. And they called and said I needed to give them a call about my pathology report. I forgot to return the phone call, more than once. I was busy was a newborn!! So finally I got a letter that said HEY DUMBASS, your pathology report was abnormal, call our office. Or something like that. So the result was, the mole was pre-cancer as in it was one stage below melanoma. If I would have procrastinated a few more months, it would have been melanoma. Scary. Lesson learned! Nothing like hearing you came close to having a deadly skin cancer with a 6 week old baby at home! So I had to go to a plastic surgeon who had to take an even bigger chunk out of my leg to make sure that the abnormal cells had not spread or made it to the blood vessels. Thankfully they had not. But now I have a scar like Harry Potter on my lower leg, although its not as cool. It kinda looks like a botched tattoo removal. Eh.

Random fact #7
I cuss too much. I use not to. No, I've always cussed. I mean it wasn't as bad as it is now! I drop the F bomb regularly, and thats new. Road rage is getting worse too. Is it because I'm getting older? Old and crotchety? Ha ha! Oh well, it's just something else for me to jot down in my list of things to work on.

Now technically I'm suppose to tag 7 people. But instead I'm just going to tag YOU! Yep, thats right, YOU! TAG! You read it and not you're tagged. Sucks for you! Although I am going to call one person out:

HEY MARIA! TAG!

I won't tag anyone on the second one. The second meme rules are:

* Pick up the nearest book of at least 123 pages.
* Open it to page 123.
* Find the 5th sentence.
* Post the next 3 sentences.
* Tag 3 people.

Taken from Stone Cold by David Baldacci
An hour later she took a break and Milton followed her to a table outside the bar area where she sipped on a cup of coffee, an unlit cigarette dangling in her free hand. Milton said, "Mrs. Radnor?" Startled, the woman looked at him warily.

Mama Drama Rewind

For those of you who initially read my Mama Drama blog, there is yet another side of the story! One of the other mothers involved also blogged about it and has now made it public! Kristie has been composing her catharsis of events for months! Its long and very thorough! Here is a link and in Kristie's words:

I am going to share the link to only ONE of the 20+ posts that I wrote. This link will bring you to a SUMMARY POST. Within the summary post, you'll find additional links to more details, emails to/from management, and to the blog as a whole. Read as much or as little as you want... read whatever (if anything) you want.

Click here to read Kristie's blog

If you'd like to hear another side of the Mama Drama, click on the link and read on! If not, disregard this blog!

Don't forget, there are also Maria's versions Part 1 and Part 2!

Oh and for those malicious women that keep name calling and telling me to get over it, get a life, etc. (see comment) I am over it. I also have a tracker on my blog and know that you keep coming back to my site! This post is for you! So go read what Kristie has to say!

Give Me Five Monday Meme #20

The ‘Give Me Five’ Monday meme is designed to share fun information with each other in a simple, short list! Here’s how it works: Each week, I will put out a random topic from my list of topics and you share 5 answers of your choice on the given topic and link back here! You can add photos, links or stories or just a simple list of your own of 5 things that relate to the topic as it pertains to you and your life experiences. It doesn’t have to be in any order of importance unless otherwise specified. Sign up for weekly reminder emails at beccagirl@charter.net.


This week’s assignment from Becca at BeccA’s Buzz: Give Me Five future events you are currently looking forward to and/or planning or attending.

1. Alex's First Birthday

My son's first birthday is in two weeks and I'm super excited! We're having a rather large gathering in our backyard with a pig pickin' and fixin's! Family will be in town and our best of best friends will be there! I'm not looking forward to all the yard work, house work, and preparing that needs to be done! But it will be so worth it! We got Alex a sand and water table and I can't wait to put it together for his birthday! He LOVES water! The bath, the shower, rain puddles, and best of all, our dog's water bowl. I'm hoping this table will keep him from using Mia's dog bowl as his own personal water park!

2. Azalea Festival

The 61st Annual North Carolina Azalea Festival is the same weekend as Alex's birthday. Even though I loathe the number of tourons (tourist + moron= touron) that invade our city, I LOVE the festival. There's concerts (Sugarland/Little Big Town and Colbie Caillat/Michelle Branch), a parade, and my favorite, the street fair! With funnel cake of course! Last year I was laid up in the hospital after giving birth and was bummed that I wouldn't get my annual funnel cake! Lo' and behold, in walks one of my best friends Kelly with her husband and 4 day old baby girl and a funnel cake for ME! Thats true friendship in its truest form! Funnel cake!

3. Warmer Weather

I am so ready for warmer weather! Today it is cold and rainy and I am so over that. Yah yah yah, we're in a drought and we need the rain. I get it. But I want sunny, warm, beeeeauuuuutiful weather! I'm ready to plant lots of flowers and a few trees! I'm ready to let Alex run around outside butt naked! (In our backyard of course!) Or spend all afternoon outside at a park or at the beach with Alex and friends! I'm totally ready to shed the long sleeves. (Keeping the jeans though. It should be illegal for me to wear shorts.) I want to open up all the windows in the house and let the warm breeze bring in some fresh air! Or even sleep at night with the windows open! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

4. April 15th

This is the day that we change uniform shirts at work. Yes, I'm seriously looking forward to this! October 15th-April 15th we wear our "dress" work shirts. These are button down, polyester, uncomfortable, stain magnet, white, heat trapping, dress shirts. Just like a man's short sleeve dress shirt. But on April 15th we get to switch to our oh so comfortable, cotton, sweat wicking, stain resistant, white, polo shirts! No more scrambling to the dry cleaners! (I HATE ironing with a passion.) No more jaw dropping, crap ass job, dry cleaning bills for 6 months! Instead I can just pull it out of the dryer and throw it on! No collar brass to worry about putting on. No name badge, no pen in the front pocket... oh happpppy day!

5. Summer Vacation

Every year in June my side of my immediate family go on vacation to Hilton Head, SC. We didn't go last year because Alex was only a few weeks old. And at that time he was a constant crying mess thanks to undiagnosed reflux. No way was I going to travel away from home with a newborn! But this year is going to be all fun in the sun! I can't wait to have a whole week away from everyday monotonous life! I'm really excited that I will have my husband and whole family there to help out with Alex! I truely will have a vacation from my normal life! I even have my fingers crossed that I can hand Alex off to my parents for one night so I can sleep late! Ohhhhh the joy that would bring. Maybe I'll even consider putting the relation back into my relationship with my husband.... but I don't want to start thinking wild here... ha! I can't wait to play in the sand with Alex, take him swimming in the pool/ocean, and take him to the top of the lighthouse (his Dad will be carrying him of course). Maybe he'll even learn to putt-putt! Another tradition of my family is our entirely too competitive nightly games of putt-putt while at Hilton Head. Dang, I can't wait!

Situation Sunday

Situation Sunday #51
Rules: You have no cell no phone. Visit Helena-Skyblue and leave a link.

Situation # 1
You are walking down the street, And up ahead of you a large crowd has gathered. There are no laws or rules, or guild lines in this society. They are all stoning the person in the middle. What do you do when that person is a close friend of yours?
I would start beating the shit out of everyone I can until they beat the shit out of me. If I had any weapons, I'd use them too. I'd fight for anyone I cared about it.

Situation # 2
You have hit a animal with your car, that is on the endangered list. Clearly the animal is dead. There was only 6 of these animals left in the world, now there are 5. The fine you know is steep. {$5,000} With also 1 year in jail. No if and or butts. Just 2 week's ago you read in the paper of a Catholic Nun that hit one and received that fine. What do you do?
Start CPR....no, I'd get the hell out of there! I'd look all around and see if anyone saw me do it. If I'm going to get punished no matter what then I might as well make them find me first! Plus they got to have proof! Innocent until proven guilty damit!

Situation # 3
If you had the power to make this world more perfect or better by doing 3 things, what would they be and why those choices?

1- Find a cure cancer. Do I really have to tell you why?

2-Feed the hungry and somehow find a way continually provide them with food and shelter. No child (or anyone else) would ever go to bed hungry. Ever.

3-Eliminate global warming. So my children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, etc. have a safe planet to live on. Our overall health will be better because global climate change can lead to rapid spread of disease. There will be fewer cases of extreme weather. Although humans as a whole have survived the vagaries of drought, stretches of warmth and cold and more, entire societies have collapsed from dramatic climatic shifts. If the global warming trend stays the same, our economy will suffer. Vineyards will die, snow will melt, and coast lines will continue to erode.

Saturday Boredom Meme

Accent - Southern belle

Booze of choice - Liquor...Amaretto Sour, Blue Motorcycles, Sex on the Beach, Kamakazee... a bottle of Parrot Bay and a straw....

Chore I hate - Folding laundry...which I am putting off doing at this very moment.

Dog or Cat - Dogs (not ankle biters!) They're automatic baby food crumb catchers!

Essential electronics - Cell phone, computer, AC, fridge...everything electronic in my house!

Favorite perfume(s)/cologne(s) - Hugo's Deep Red in the fall/winter time, and Estee Lauder's Beyond Paradise in the spring/summer time.

Hometown - Wilmington, NC

Insomnia? - Not really. But I can't seem to go to bed earlier than midnight.

Job Title - Medicaid taxi driver... a.k.a Paramedic, and MOM

Kids? - One. Master Alex

Living Arrangement - 1800 sq foot one story house with my husband, son, and dog.

Most admired trait - Loyalty to my friends.

Number of Sexual Partners - 0. Oh wait, my husband. So 1. Sometimes.

Overnight Hospital Stays - Just when I gave birth to my son.

Phobia - None that I can think of.

Quote - I'm so happy I could poop a rainbow. (Said with sarcasm)

Religion - Southern Baptist

Siblings - One brother - 9 years older.

Time I wake up - Much earlier than I'd like. I have an 11 1/2 month old alarm clock.

Unusual talent/skill - I can curl my tongue three times. Great party skill.

Vegetable I refuse to eat - Brussel sprout.

Worst habit - Interrupting people while they're talking. My mouth starts going before my brain can catch up.

X-rays - Teeth,right hand, and spine.

Yummy foods I make - Baked goods. Anything sweet. My best is my almond pound cake.

Zodiac sign - Aries

Bittersweet

Sometimes the best feeling in the world can be bittersweet.


Last night after coming come home from work, I was pleased to find my baby boy stilk awake! After changing into some comfy clothes I went into the living room where my husband and son were playing. When Alex saw me he got a huge grin on his face and did his little drunken monkey walk towards me. (He's just started walking.) I got down on his level and he threw his little arms around me babbling all kinds of nonsense. I thought this has to be one of the best feelings in the world. Just writing it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy!


Later that night as I was lying in bed, still on my happy high of playing with Alex, I started to let my mind wonder. I should have known better. My pessimistic mind is usually up to no good! I was thinking about my warm fuzzy feeling, when the realization that it would not last forever started to creep over me. Alex will grow up. Hugs and kisses will be "gross" and "not cool", or even embarassing. Even worse, he will eventually leave the house and those rare hugs or kisses will be few and far between. So much for my happy high. Depression rolled in like an early morning fog.


What the hell is wrong with me? Alex is only 11 1/2 months old and here I was over a decade down the road! Then I started thinking about my parents. I was once their baby, the same drunken monkey walking bundle of joy, hugging their legs. How often do I hug and kiss them now? Not often. Never with the enthusiasm of a child. I wonder if they miss that. Or is it just something you grow out of as your relationship changes with your child? Do they still remember it, and the warm and fuzzy feeling? Do I even want to know the answer? No.


Even though I managed to depress myself before going to sleep I did learn an important lesson. Stay in the present. Don't look forward and don't look back. Before you know it, right now is the past and the future is the present. I'm going to get as many hugs and kisses from my little guy that I can. There is no feeling better then his big dimple smile directed towards me with his little arms wrapped around my heart. No matter how bittersweet it may be.

Give Me Five Monday Meme #19

The ‘Give Me Five’ Monday meme is designed to share fun information with each other in a simple, short list! Here’s how it works: Each week, I will put out a random topic from my list of topics and you share 5 answers of your choice on the given topic and link back here! You can add photos, links or stories or just a simple list of your own of 5 things that relate to the topic as it pertains to you and your life experiences. It doesn’t have to be in any order of importance unless otherwise specified. Sign up for weekly reminder emails at beccagirl@charter.net.

This week’s assignment from Becca at BeccA’s Buzz: Give Me Five favorite memories from your Easter day 2008: (edit: I did Easter weekend instead...)

1. I shared my birthday with the Easter Bunny and Jesus.

Yep, my birthday was yesterday, same day as Easter. And I turned 29! Aaack! Still holding onto my 20's... barely! But because of it, I got to see more family on my birthday than I would have had it not been Easter! And I had a yummy Easter/Birthday lunch with all the fixin's plus birthday cake! Mmmm mmmm mmmm! I don't think I could have gotten away with wearing bunny ears on my head either....

2. It was my son's first ever Easter!

Alex was born just after Easter last year so this was his first ever Easter! It was fun to play Easter Bunny and have his basket all done for him when he woke up in the morning. It was so much fun watching him pull all of his new stuff out of the basket! He loved a bunny book that we bought him. Kept him quiet through part of church too! Whew!

3. Easter Egg Hunt 2008!

Along with his first Easter, it was also Alex's first time Easter egg hunting! We went to a local church that had a huge event. We chose that one were a couple of eggs on the ground and we were able to form a protective circle around him and let him pick up some eggs. Of course as soon as he picked one up he wanted to throw it! Maybe I should have called it the Easter Throw 2008!/

4. Popcorn, seriously?

I learned Alex LOVES popcorn! At the same church event, we got tickets for snacks! It was $2/person for a hotdog, drink, bag of fresh popcorn, and some cotton candy! (You can't beat that deal!) We were sitting on the ground picnic style with some friends and their little ones when I felt my popcorn bag rustling in my hand. Alex was watching me eat popcorn, stuck his little arm in my bag, pulled out a handful and shoved it in his mouth! At first I panicked, I thought he might choke! But he downed the first handfull successfully and was going back for more! He ended up eating most of my bag. *sigh* Guess I better get use to that!

5. Money, money, money!!!

I got money from my family for my birthday! Yipeee! Not only did I get money, but I got enough to buy a new laptop (along with a generous donation from my own bank account of course)!!! Now comes the fun of researching and reading and trying to figure out what's best for the money! Any ideas and suggestions are welcome!!